Dear Santa, What Happened to the Plan We Had? - Comments

@ joelkanitz
Thank you!

Hi! It's Eve (previously americancandy.) and I'm finally getting around to judging my Christmas contest that I held. Life kinda got in the way and I lost the motivation for a while, so my apologies, but I'm here now!

As promised, I'll be leaving a comment on every entry regardless of the place it ranks.

First off, I was automatically pleased you chose an Ariana Grande song, because I love Ariana.

In the first chapter, I already like Gavin. I can already picture what he's like; he's like a familiar character. I was reading dawn of light's comment below and saw she described him as being 'rom-com' and I honestly couldn't agree more -- that's just what this feels like, the start of a wonderfully cheesy rom-com Christmas movie. Which I love. A lot.

The smut was really well-done and realistic, too! That's what I like to see.

omg, during their argument in the third chapter, Gavin is being such an undermining asshole. I'd be mad at him too.

Aw, when he finally says he loves her, it is a little heartbreaking. That was so sad! An inevitable ending, but definitely a sad one. I could definitely see this being some kinda rom-com movie material script if you wanted to create a sequel for them.

I didn't really notice any mistakes! The only thing was that you spelled Santa Claus as Santa Clause in the final chapter (there's no E at the end) and I do have an issue with scoring out words in stories. Like describing the bed as "<s>his</s> ours," for example. I've always found it a little clumsy and unprofessional; I would personally write something along the lines of, "We fell into his bed; well, <i>our</i> bed." It's simple but conveys the same weight of change. That's really just me though -- some people might prefer the score-outs!

Overall, I think you did a really good job with Gavin and Cece! It left me wanting a bit more and wondering what the future would hold for them -- they make good money and have a nice place together, but perhaps Gavin's job will be too much for them? It's definitely a thinker! Well done.

You're welcome! I understand when you have to make your entire plot happen in such a short piece. I've done that and it is not easy. But you did do fantastic with this. Nice! I'm trying to write my piece for that contest as well

Of course! Sometimes people are busy to give a nice comment so I'm glad I gave you one you too!

@ dawn of light
Thank you so much for your feedback! I try to be descriptive, but not too wordy in my stories so it's good to know that I'm doing okay in that area. Yes, I admit this was a bit rushed, however, the contest I wrote this for had a three-chapter limit :/ Also unfortunately, I wrote the story assuming that all the readers would have heard the song I was writing it about. "Snow in California" by Ariana, for the Seasonal Songfic Contest. That's totally my bad! I should've added a little more depth to the plot, but I didn't want it to be too long. I'll definitely take that for future reference because I'm planning more stories for A Different Kind of Contest

I really, really appreciate your thoughts on my story honestly! It's been up for weeks and I've gotten a good handful of recs, but I was dying for feedback lol. Thank you! I hope you're having a good weekend :)

Thanks for participating in my December Giveaway!

You have a knack for writing descriptions. Sometimes it's too much and sometimes it's not enough in stories. However, when I read this, I did not even think twice of what you've written because the descriptions are very realistic. The flow is nice~ organized and smooth.

I did spot a couple wordy/awkward sentences. For example: I turn to him, his smooth voice distracting me from sprinkling a fresh batch of holiday-shaped sugar cookies. Here was where I was slightly confused with what she was doing and what she was thinking at the same time. Breaking up the sentences or even just playing around with the word placement would improve this. I have this issue in my own writing so it could be difficult to catch.

I really do like the characters you've created. By reading how Gavin talks and acts, I grew to love him. He pulls off his rom-com vibe and I like that about him. Cece is such a sweetheart. I thought it was very cute of her to be making these cookies. I really like this quantity of your story.

I did think it felt a bit rushed towards the end but I enjoyed the pace (if that makes sense?). The last chapter was a bit confusing for me because I wasn't quite sure why they were arguing at first until mid chapter. It could be just me, though. I did think you did well with the song choice and putting your own twist on it. Good job!