Old Thorns - Comments

@ Nereid
Very nice! I've tried my best to find the grammatical mistakes, but there is always more haha. Thank you for touching on the creative part of the story too. It's good to hear that I am actually writing something decent than not :).

Oh, forgot to add this! Nadeen said "Better we lose half our money than a third of it." but I presume you meant to say better we lose a third than a half, since a half is more than a third?

Anyway, keep up the good work! :)

Oh, forgot to add this! Nadeen said "Better we lose half our money than a third of it." but I presume you meant to say better we lose a third than a half, since a half is more than a third?

Anyway, keep up the good work! :)

Chapter Three
Couple of grammar mistakes here and there but nothing massive or detrimental to the story at all :) Instead of putting "NOOoooo!" at the start, just putting "No!" would have been better since the drawn out no makes it seem comical when really it's a dramatic moment.

You also sometimes forget to start a new paragraph when someone new is speaking. I get why you don't do it sometimes when it's still one person talking with you adding description in between their lines, but grammatically I'm afraid it's not quite right.

A few lines later you put "new" instead of "knew", just thought I'd point out that little typo to you.

But none of these things take away from the story at all! I'm enjoying seeing much more of their backstory unfold and learning about the time before this story is set when they lost their mother and the war. The plot and development in the girls story is really strong, and the only criticisms I have for this story are from a grammatical standpoint rather than a creative one, which shows you've got great potential. I'll try read more of your chapters today, though I might not be able to give as detailed comments as this one :)

@ Spence Brakket
I've got a day off work today so I'll try and see how much I can read today! I'll certainly leave some creative criticism if I find anything I think you need to improve on. It is a great story so far though :)

@ Nereid
Thank you so much. I hope it can live up to its expectations! If there is any criticism about the story I'd love to hear it.

I've been subscribed to this story for a while because I loved the premise of it, but never had the time (thank you exams) to take the time to read it.

I'm only two chapter in but I really like it and can't wait to read more when I have the time to. It's been a while since I read fantasy, and I can tell that you have this fantastic, huge magical world planned and I'm looking forward to see how it unfolds.

@ SweetlyBroken
Thank you Sweetly!

I'm really enjoying your story! I can't wait for the next update!