Society1000 - Comments

Dear lord what a horrifying world to live in. I find this really interesting that their sort of fantasy world is being human and when in reality they're all basically aliens and shit. Very nicely done, I personally would've liked to see a bit more to it and find more out about how this world came to be. It would be nice as a maybe chaptered short story. Also scattered spelling errors here and there but nothing awful. very nice

Well, the banner picture was successful at freaking me out

I like where you went with the prompt, it was a lot different from the other stories I've read which made it interesting. I was hoping one of them out include a community/city/something with more people who had the tattoo and yours did, so yay!

I liked that, in the paragraphs where you were describing his life, you included the numbers after saying different things he was doing to die. Did that make sense? Anyways, I felt like it added a nice touch to both the character and the society that he was living in.

I was definitely not expecting the ending at all. The fact that they're basically being grown as these weird animal things is so intriguing and unique. It definitely freaked me out and got me all like WHAT IS REAL LIFE

This was really well done, great job!

i tried to avoid commenting on the banner but HAHSJSKSJ THAT IS HIGHLY EFFECTIVE I YELPED

ohhhhh, everyone's got a thousand chances, then. that makes this even more fun. the way you describe vark's falling numbers so nonchalantly, even humorously at points (THE DOG AND THE HORSE and the horse scenario is a nightmarish one oh no) and i find it quite interesting that the ones with the higher numbers are more paranoid and jumpy instead of the lower numbers. it gets me thinking about the higher numbered ones and i'm thinking that maybe the reason their number is so high is because they are paranoid; they keep watch for anything that could lower their number and as a result, it remains high.

"Vark was an exception. That made him dangerous." well shit. nice knowing ya, vark. that paired up with whatever he saw makes me incredibly nervous; this probably won't end well for him.

geez louise, everything leading up to the ending is so your descriptions have me twisting in my seat. everything vark saw was awful, each thing more horrific than the last. the creatures, himself, the pet, the realization, all wrapped up with a haunting final line. shoot, if i knew that was what awaited me beyond society1000 then i'd act just like the higher numbered people. i'd do anything i could go essentially live forever.

this was so creepy and so good; you took this prompt in a whole new direction and it was downright amazing.

Oh my...the image is disturbing.

Probably my favorite part of this story was the count down/explanation of where he lost some numbers. I think they really added some character to the narration and helped to keep the story moving and interesting. I also thought it helped add a kind of flippant/casual attitude towards the number so that as I reader I could see that this was really just an everyday occurrence in the lives of the people in Society1000.

He’d seen how those with high numbers acted, all jumpy like and paranoid. - I thought this was kind of weird (but in a good way). I'd think that people with higher numbers would be more relaxed (since they had time) and the people with dangerously low numbers would be more jumpy (since they'd think they're closer to death). But I guess those with higher numbers had higher numbers because they're so careful to avoid death?

It was worrisome having a number so visible. There were those that found fun in watching the numbers of others fall. As many things in life are, nothing is fair. - That's definitely an interesting take on things - that since people have so many lives, they might value life a lot less, that killing would become a game or something cruel people did to pass the time. It made me think about laws. Like, in this world, how serious would the law take 'murder'? is the sentence more severe depending on how many lives the person you killed had left?

[So many questions! Do people in this world age like us? If they do, do they die a lot more as they get older (due to the ailments that usually plague older people)? After they die and resurrect, are they made whole again or do they still have the same health issues as before? Is the death a rebirth or just simply not-dying?!

Vark was an exception. That made him dangerous. In dystopian fics, it always does.

The ending was really a twist. I'm still not sure how I feel about it. I like that the ending was different but a part of me is still confused about how or why? Like if the things in charge aren't really human and the things meant to be pets also aren't human, then why is the virtual reality human? Where did this picture of humanity come from to be used as a model for Society1000? And why do it at all? Why make them experience this human life only to later be forced to live like animals?

I'd definitely like to see more of this. Just to get an idea of what's really going on and why? Where are the real humans? What happened to them? Who decided this was a good thing for pets?

Anywho, even with all the questions left, this was a really good read.

Okay, that banner was really effective.

The introductory paragraph gave a good, strong telling about the setting and the world we're being introduced to. I do like that you put that before you even mentioned about Vark or introduced him.

The casual mentioning of the numbers after aspects of his life was a really smart move. Especially as the jumps between the numbers don't feel that big, even though in the first paragraph we get a 996 number and then end the paragraph with 728. You'd think a huge leap like that would really be noticeable but it was - it blended in because of the way you've done it.

In their mouths? Like on their tongue or teeth or gums? How would someone check what number they were at? But god, people got it on their forehead? That does not sound ideal, that's for sure.

This is the first piece that has brought up extraterrestrials. Putting that twist on this really made it eerie, especially when Vark recalled the experience he had when he was out for those eight hours. That must have been creepy and scary.

That twist though...it was brilliant. Scary. I wasn't expecting that. Society100 might be a farce but surely that's better than being 'available for purchase', right Vark? This was genuinely really unique and I loved that the countdown wasn't leading to their death but to something far worse than death could ever be.

Woah. I'll be seeing that banner in my nightmares.

I love the very existentialist summary, its keeps me unsure about what's to come but gets me thinking right away.

"The here and now everyone thought was the be all reality wasn't." - I kind of tripped up a little reading this sentence. I think "be all" could be replaced with just one word.

I think this is a very original take on the prompt, with the birthmak being common instead of using the trope of 'the special one/ones'.

I love the idea of the people who go around and kill people just to watch their numbers fall, it's very chilling.

Okay, this took a real scary turn. They're all stuck in containers? Is this some sort of alien experimentation? If you were going for creepy you definitely nailed it.

"The truth of Society1000 was it was a farce" - I think adding 'that' between "was" and "it" would make this sentence easier to read, it kind of tripped me up a little.

This was a super original idea, and so sad for them that their countdown leads to something horrific.

I like how his number kept going down, and how you added how he died a few times. The number just kept getting smaller and smaller. The ending was go chilling; the fact that they are living in a sort of dream world... whoa. I don't think I've ever read anything where it described what they saw through a glass tube that he was in. It was so just amazing; and what I really liked about it was that he couldn't really move and when he did, one of the creatures on the other side was curious to what he was doing. It was probably something that doesn't happen too often with their experiments.

Quote

The countdown was nothing more than a countdown to the day when he would be available for purchase.

This was my absolute favorite line in the whole thing. The whole concept of the one-shot got crazier and crazier as I kept reading, and I loved it.

This was a crazy and wonderful take on the prompt. Good job!

The cover picture in the summary scared the absolute CRAP OUT OF ME LMAO. I was not properly prepared for that at all, but it fits perfectly with the creature describe towards the end of the story. In regards to your writing, I spotted a grammatical error in the second sentence, or maybe I've just read it wrong but it seems like an oddly structured sentence. However, the plot really becomes interesting in the second paragraph. The way you mentioned the life number Vark was on after every couple of sentences was brilliant, it really grasped my attention.

Also, this line was so chilling: "It was worrisome having a number so visible. There were those that found fun in watching the numbers of others fall." Dude...that was good. The ending of this was very sad, but overall, I really enjoyed your take on this prompt!

Summary/Layout:
Well, I just had a mini heart attack. That picture scared the crap out of me! I really, really like the layout, though.
Whew, the summary is asking the real questions. It really drew me in and made me excited to see what was to come!

One/One:
Wow, the descriptions, the entire concept of Society1000 was amazing. This was such a beautiful take on the prompt.
I love that it was like there was a part of Vark that knew something was off about the perfection of the world. The way you described the creatures gave me chills.
I'm really wondering how his life is afterward. Does he become one of the people out there that are jumpy? Does he continue living life the way he was before he found out the horrifying truth? One thing I loved about the ending is how open-ended it was.
I didn't see any spelling/grammatical errors and the entirety flowed beautifully.
Great job!

The summary is definitely hooking and asks some really deep questions. This is philosophical stuff right here. I really like it. Your layout is also pretty neat, even if the banner is the stuff of nightmares!

Ooooh. I already really like that you've built a society around the concept. It isn't just a lone person that has that birthmark; it's an entire race. That's a very unique take on it!

I will point out that, when making a list of things, make sure to use commas to separate items otherwise it all runs together and somewhat ruins the flow.

Hmmm... something wrong with Vark? It's a nice twist. After all, true perfection isn't possible. At least one person had to have something wrong with them.

Ok. This is trippy. I've always liked the notion that there's a mirror world or another dimension completely opposite our world, but this is an idea I've NEVER seen. It's dark and creepy and confusing. I can't say I don't like it, even if it's not really my scene.

It is an exceptional twist to the story. I think you did a wonderful job describing the fleeting nature of life as it is normally lived but there's always that one moment people hit where they realize just how precious life is. And yours is grotesque and eerie and horrific. But it is very well delivered.

All-in-all, just watch some of your comma placement and there are a couple words here and there that aren't the right spelling, but it's not a huge deal.

Great job!

oooo... I really like the idea behind this and it's different from the other entries I've read and the one I wrote as well. I also like the fact that there's no dialogue... your description is spot on, you set a very surreal image in my mind and I love a story that can take me into its world! Good job

This is an unexpected story, but in a good way! Your lead is quite hooking - you grab the reader right away with the "The here and now everyone thought was the be all reality wasn't."

The representation of Vark's flickering lives is nicely delivered - you're able to transport the reader through years and years of his life very quickly, but not without detail. Also some of his deaths are kind of humorous - "A... well... a rabid dog" made me laugh. Also a good detail you included was: "He'd seen how those with high numbers acted, all jumpy like and paranoid. That was no way to live a life, always on edge." Sets the world nicely.

The shift did take me by some surprise, even after the banner popped up/title hint. It sounds like an interesting world on the outside -- I'd almost like to see him lose all his lives and then navigate this "other/real" side. But the way you ended it was satisfying on its own.

In all, you created a different but interesting world and Vark is a cool and complex character. Nice job!

Holy Your title image gave me some scare, dear goodness. I was not expecting it. I did think it matches Society1000 perfectly.

I did like how you explained how Vark's numbers dropped over the years. I think that was a nice touch to your story. I thought the pace was perfect without it being too choppy or rushed. I like how fresh this take on the prompt was. I became very curious towards the end, though. As I finished your entry, I began to envy the way you describe your scenes and whatnot. I do not think anyone could play this off so easily, but you did it almost like it was effortless.

Holy Mackerel. I am blown away. The very idea that the world they live in is nothing more then a hallucination caused by the containers they are sealed in is just amazing. I agree though I was not expecting that banner and it freaked me out too. I loved everything about this, the sense of foreboding that followed the entire story was great. A few questions popped into my mind after I finished though. Were the accidents programmed into their brains to begin with or not. And why is he the only one who saw the other side. I mean maybe there were others who did but they were already sold. And if so do they remember what happens after their number reaches zero. Like I said it was great I could easily see this developing more.

Whooo first comment.

For starters the banner freaked me the hell out I liked your take on the prompt; how everyone in Society1000 is a science experiment being prepped for purchase. It's vey different from the other entries. The creatures/aliens that were doing the "shopping" were insanely creepy and the concept of people being farmed or harvested while thinking they were being gifted with semi-eternal life is really unnerving. Very creative.