February 21st, 2016 at 03:58pm
Summary:
I really love what you did with the summary. You didn't give too much away, however the last part should end in a question mark, as you are asking a question. Also, you don't need to put a comma between her and her.
One/One:
I love the description you used. While at first the story was very hard to understand, you quickly helped out by explaining more things in depth and using a lot of detail to make things simpler to understand.
Apophis and the rest of the Goa'uld seem like huge jerks.
I can understand why Davison would crack like that, but still... wow.
I really hope Emma ends up being rescued though, but there's a ship sighted, so I'm hoping things turn out okay for her.
Part of me really hope Davison is punished for just throwing Emma under the bus like that, but I'm so glad she'll be okay.
The ending paragraph was sweet, honestly. I really enjoyed this in its entirety. The spelling and grammar was flawless and the description made me feel as if I were actually there. Great job!
Thank you :) and I'll correct those couple of errors in the summary shortly :)