The Nudist - Comments

Heya again. :3 I really enjoyed how you handled the first chapter. It was a joy, albiet a grim one, to read the interactions knowing how it was going to play out. It was rather hard to read with the lay out, even though the picture is rather pretty. After Curtis, all the text is white for me so I had to highlight I was actually smiling a bit as I read it.

The second chapter was a bit sad. Of course I'm left wondering WHY it happened and who, but still... Also, where's the romance? @_@

Still, very well written. As always. <3

SAM AT IT AGAIN.

I adore your summary, and , yo, I am in loooooove with this story. All the brief intros to the characters, and their takes in what happened. They all come off as so believable and realistic; it makes me feel very invested and apart of the story. I want to know more about Presley. I want to know what happened to the crew. That second chapter, like whaaaaat.

I was literally skimming this so fast trying to take it all in. I NEED MORE OF THIS STORY, SAM.

The summary is super, super intriguing. I really like the way you set it up, plus you know what I am a total sucker for sci-fi in the first place I only spotted one thing, but do correct me if it's not actually a mistake - They were monitoring Mar’s - I believe Mar's should be Mars' or Mars's, but I wasn't sure.

Chapter One

I absolutely adore the way you have set up the first chapter. All of their interactions and the way they speak about one another is so mundane. It sets up the friendship between the group really well and shows us insight into the characters. I actually got a warm kind of feeling from reading Curtis' section in the first chapter, because it was so sweet. In the short paragraph, you showed us good emotion and interaction between them that made me smile~

The tone starts to darken as the chapter progresses, which is really interesting. It starts super light-hearted, but then the crash starts to make its way into conversation until the whole mood of the story is rather dark and crime based. I actually also liked seeing into everyone's minds and what they were thinking at the time of the crash! So mundane, but so interesting. And like Lizz said, I want to learn more about Presley~

The ending of the chapter was perfect. I heard the crew’s voices but the only that stood out was the silence of Curtis Ng. It actually gave me chills. Amazing.

Chapter Two

He was the only who was tied up before he shot to the head.” I think it should be 'before he was shot in the head' or something like that.

This chapter is really short but really intriguing. I like that it was all done in dialogue, so it leaves that huge air of mystery. I can only assume that the ones who are dead are all the people in the previous chapter, which actually makes the previous chapter so much more sadder, since we knew what they were doing before their deaths. I'm also extremely interested to know why they only decided to tie one up. You really keep the tension and suspense alive at every moment~

Overall

I very much enjoyed this piece! You employed the nudist into the story in a very humorous way, but overall the story has a very dark and mysterious vibe to it, which I love. You're really good at holding the tension and suspense, so readers will be on the edge of their seat the entire time. The only thing I wished is that there was more to read on the character, to get a better feel for them all, but the first chapter was a fantastic way to introduce them to the reader! Fantastic piece~

Also, lovely layout

I read this and Raveena's entry for the contest and I'm completely convinced I have absolutely no chance

So I creeped the character page before I read the story AND I'M SO EXCITED THAT THE GUYS ARE LIKE THE 7 DWARFS. The quotes were perfection, I'm so excited to start reading.

I love how you wrote the first chapter. You were able to give us an idea of what the characters were like because of the little bits in the POV, but then each little part ended with them saying something about another one of the guys and so we got to see some of their personalities from there too. Such a cool way to introduce everyone. I'm curious about Presley, because she's mentioned a few times but there's no other information about her anywhere. I want to know what she's all about and what she has to do with things.

NO WAIT WHY DID YOU KILL THEM. I mean, I know why, because you're all about that crime life, but I need more of them I like that you did the whole past and present thing to kinda give us 2 story lines at once. I really love the mysterious vibe everything's got going on so far and I can't wait to learn more about all of the characters and what's happened to them.

One thing I found:
There's a man who was striped from his coat to his socks.
I think you were meaning "stripped" instead of "striped" here.

Great job, girl! I can't wait to read more of this

OMFG I NEED DIS!

OMFG I NEED DIS!