Cevin - Comments

The first thing I notice about Cevin is how optimistic she is, even though she knows she's "scheduled for death". It really creates a light tone for the story. She's not dramatic either, just makes the whole scene more realistic.

The only thing really unclear is how long she's been in the cell. I was surprised that they both how their robes at the same time. I assumed she'd been there for awhile and was waiting trial or sentencing or something.

I think the concept is really interesting and clear. It took me a second at the end to comprehend how many lives she had left, but I'm glad it's not explained anymore than that. It leaves a nice air of mystery surrounding her.

The only thing I would add is letting us know how long she's been in that cell. And maybe descriptions of the two main characters, but otherwise this is a really interesting piece! :)

I really think this story could be turned into an amazing novel and some publishing company should get on that

Your writing style is perfect for this type of story. I absolutely love how you wrote Cevin, she just seems so calm with everything that's going on which I think is really interesting and dark and really highlights how strong her character is. AND THE COMMENT ABOUT WOMEN NOT GETTING CREDIT. Gah I loved it so much.

Your descriptions were so wonderful and the interactions between the characters were so great. I loved where you ended the chapter, though like I said, I would love to read this as an entire novel.

Adore what you did with the prompt, great job!

The description you use in this is perfect and I really like the way you decided to handle to prompt. Everything flows nicely and the dialogue is smooth, I really like your main character... She's cool.

Honesty I hope you write more, prequel or sequel. Cevin is seems pretty chill. I really like he attitude. The dialogue between Cevin and the other prisoner was easy to follow and realistic.

Even though this is a one-shot, the characters are well rounded and seemed developed. Each one has a distinct personality and they seem to stay by it. Most stories I read on writing sites, characters tend to be constantly be acting out of character, making it harder to finish reading the story.

As a one-shot I wish i knew more about this Bartel fellow and why Whittlena seemed disliked.

Quote

"If you've been put in this cell, it means you're scheduled for death."

Just from this, I can tell that maybe she's been in there for a long time, after dying so many times, only to be put back in the cell after she comes back to life. Just from one quote, I can just tell that she's been doing this for a long time, or she's been down there for a long time.

SHE'S SO OLD. This might be one of the first entries with this prompt where the character is that old. I mean, I could be wrong, but I'm not about to go back and read all of them again just to see if I'm wrong or right. We'll just say I'm right and get on with it. But I like how long she's been living; she's seen so much. And his reaction to her age is so real. No one would believe someone who looks so young to be hundreds of years old.

I seriously loved this! She's using her gift (curse?) to help others. I mean, she's still killing others, one thousand I believe, but I mean, for others. It doesn't make it right, of course. I do wonder why she choose one thousand? Is that just her own number that she came up with? One other life for every life that she has? I don't know. This was amazing and I loved it!

two lines of dialogue and i already love cevin. thanks for the calming words. she's so chill in the middle of all of this, a little weird and a little dark but all around intriguing and a really interesting character.

she's so blunt. no shame in her game. but geez louise, killing the chancellor's daughter isn't something i would think you'd admit to so nonchalantly, and yet, it goes perfectly along with the way cevin has been portrayed thus far. it may be a big deal to us, but not to her. hell, if the cell that spells out death is nothing to her, why would murdering someone be?

"Crediting a woman means they matter." yoooooo. that was a good one, cevin, well played.

the bit of backstory we get on perceval is thrown out just right. it's not too much and it's not so little that i feel like i'm grabbing at straws to put together a character. it's just enough and it's quite interesting to boot.

AGAIN WITH NONCHALANT CEVIN I LOVE IT. she's so fun to read. she's a bit up in the clouds at some moments to me, but everything she says is said in such a way that she never has to be down on earth for me. gah, she's such a great character.

"Not even Whittlena can rescue you from death." yeah but see these lives can.

i really like the moment in which cevin tries to relax perceval a bit by explaining the death by noose. yeah, it's not fun, but it's not as bad as you think, either. it's a nice little moment in all this growing tension.

WH-WHAT WAIT PERCEVAL DID WHAT NOW WHAT ON EARTH. COME BACK TO LIFE AND EXPLAIN. the last line gets me really excited to see more of cevin's adventures, though. she's definitely a character i would like to see more of. she was a great piece of this amazing oneshot. i loved it!

I don't know if you meant it to connect his way or not, but I really liked that the long summary looks like it ties in to the title of the first chapter - "Tell me a secret." "Death is not permanent."

A murderess! Just from the snippet, I already love Cevin's character. She's very confident in her abilities (to continue on living and in assassination) without being cocky. I love her way of speaking; she's both straight-talking and kind of slick.

As I was reading, I was really interested in finding out what her 'deal' was. Like, obviously, she can escape death but as she started asking her fellow prisoner what he wanted (other than to escape), I really wanted to know what she was up to. Obviously, if he's dying/dead, he can't really offer her anything in return for fulfilling his wishes, so why is she willing to do it? And why is she determined to kill 1000 people? Is she repaying a debt to the cosmos in blood? Is that how she has so many lives?

The summary is one of the best I've read in this entire contest! It got me thinking, “I KNOW A SECRET.” hhhahahah.

The moment Cevin opened her mouth, I knew I'd love her character. She is so quirky and I love it. Her personality reminds me of how I'm sometimes sarcastic lol. BUT SHE KILLED THE CHANCELLOR’S DAUGHTER?? I love how she's so confident yet in a horrid way.

Can I just say how amazing we got to know who Perceval Selles is? Their conversation about their secrets was easy to follow~ it was not forced.

I really do like the history you provided for Cevin. I thought it was a nice touch, especially since most stories don't provide this info.

I thought it was interesting how you made them interact with the whole secret prospect being the main idea. I found an appeal to Perceval. I didn't want him to die. Your writing made me want this killer to live omg. That's how good you are! Very well done!

Summary:
The summary didn't get me excited at all. It's way too vague and while some might be pulled in, I found myself slightly turned off.

One/One:
She gave a laugh. "Of course they do. Crediting a woman means they matter." I love this little piece of dialogue.

I really like your take on the prompt. It was unique and interesting. I personally didn't notice any mistakes and the flow of the story was very smooth. Well done!

I think the summary is just a little too vague. Like, it's enticing, but it doesn't make me want to read the story. It might just be me though.

I'm curious about Cevin's name; how do you pronounce it? What is the origin? Does it tie into the story concept itself?

The bit about the structure crumbling feels like it's a metaphor for society or the people running the facility. It's a nice touch.

"...and the Chancellor's daughter's killer [would/will] be dead." Slight error in word choice in this sentence.

The placement of the number is an interesting one. It flows pretty well with everyone choosing a different spot for the marking to be on the characters in their respective stories.

Overall, there were a few areas that need to be looked at again for comma placement and spelling/word choice, and the summary could be a little more detailed (in my personal opinion), but it was a pretty good read. Good job!

The summary is pretty vague but it does it's job of pulling the reader in, so kudos to you for that! I love the layout; it's super interesting but simple, and the picture placement is very different from any other layout I've seen before. The title of the chapter is very eye-catching and the beginning of this story really drops the reader right into the plot with no warning and I loved that. Your descriptions are FLAWLESS DUDE. I felt like I was in that confined space with Cevin and Perceval.

I loved this line: The way he was pitying himself irritated her. It really showed what kind of person she is (very apathetic and fearless) and how accustomed she is to her lifestyle. The way you wrote that was perfect.

I really like the exchange between the characters, they have this hostile chemistry that I think is very captivating and it kept my interest peaked. And can we pls talk about the way she describes her scars and the stories behind them???? Omfg...that was brutal...chilling. But I loved it. You seriously know how to paint a picture. Ugh, and she's died twenty times by being hanged, yikes :/// just the way she described dying that way had me stretching and rubbing own neck lol.

Death did not suit everyone.

How did you think of these bleak one-liners??? They're frickin brilliant. You've packed so much detail into just a one-shot and I really feel like this story has the potential to be stretched out into a much longer plot. I really really really liked this, like A LOT. This is definitely one of the best entries I've read so far in this contest, and I absolutely love where you took this prompt. Your writing so dope, it's simple but very descriptive and meticulous in a non-pedantic kind of way.

"Crediting a woman means they matter." Boom what a good line. I was going to wait to write the comment until after I finished this but that hooked me so I had to share.

By this line, you already have me totally sucked in. Cevin's already fascinating, with her totally easy-going, "Eh, I killed someone, no biggie," kind of attitude right now. I like the juxtaposition between her and Perceval so far.

The things I mentioned above only continued to excel as I continued throughout the story. The characters were so well rounded and interesting. Cevin's whole backstory was delivered well, and you nicely established the world they're in. I also adore the way that you ended it - the idea of her fulfilling his last wish and the last line, "By the time the wagon had reached the gravedigger, Cevin was alive once more" was also done really well.

All in all, I have nothing constructive to say lol. I just really enjoyed this. Great job!

Ooh I loved the other world fantasy feeling this gave off. It was really good. The main character reminded me off my favorite author. She was strong, confident in what she knew, and didn't back down even when she was faced with her own death. A very amazing piece of work.

Haunting! I absolutely loved reading this, the tone is absolutely perfect and the entire piece if chilling c:

THIS IS SO COOL. I am loving all these different takes everyone is using for this prompt. I like how she's an assassin of sorts. All the details about her past deaths and the sort of royal intrigue and drama that seem to be happening in this world were really great too and served to make it a really well-rounded story even though it's just a one-shot. Her life's been pretty brutal.