I like the layout for this. It's simple and doesn't detract from the story itself. I also love that your summary is a poem! That's so neat! And it really draws the reader in.
Chapter One: I do like that this is written in first person. It's a refreshing change from what I normally read and write. And you seem to capture everything pretty well with it, so kudos to you for that. I also enjoy the descriptions you are giving. They are working well for the narrative style you have chosen and are still plenty detailed to give a good view of the world you are building.
Small typo: ...wondered if I was a l slave,... There's an extra letter in there that should be taken out. Also, watch out for tense changes. You seem to be writing mostly past tense, so make sure you stay with it. There have been a couple times where you switched to present.
Your action scene was well done in this. It was descriptive and I could just feel the anxiety and tension Karkat was feeling throughout.
Error: ...wear myself out to my face turning the color... There needs to be some sort of clarification on what you're going for with this statement. It sounds off.
Overall, this is an absolutely great start to this story. I think you captured and set up your world well. Just make sure to fix what I mentioned and keep the tense in mind so you can stay consistent. Great job!
Chapter One:
I do like that this is written in first person. It's a refreshing change from what I normally read and write. And you seem to capture everything pretty well with it, so kudos to you for that. I also enjoy the descriptions you are giving. They are working well for the narrative style you have chosen and are still plenty detailed to give a good view of the world you are building.
Small typo: ...wondered if I was a l slave,... There's an extra letter in there that should be taken out. Also, watch out for tense changes. You seem to be writing mostly past tense, so make sure you stay with it. There have been a couple times where you switched to present.
Your action scene was well done in this. It was descriptive and I could just feel the anxiety and tension Karkat was feeling throughout.
Error: ...wear myself out to my face turning the color... There needs to be some sort of clarification on what you're going for with this statement. It sounds off.
Overall, this is an absolutely great start to this story. I think you captured and set up your world well. Just make sure to fix what I mentioned and keep the tense in mind so you can stay consistent. Great job!