@ acid_rain88 Awwww yeahh I love her books I'm re reading them now haha! Thank you for your comments they mean a lot! I'll try to look for pictures haha (might be hard since a few characters are real people I know lol) But I'll try to find similar ones!
I love Sylvia Day!! I've only read book 1 so far in the crossfire series (a friend of mine borrowed 1-3) and got book 4 just a few weeks ago though i've got, uhm 4 or 5 other of her books as well.. she's so awesome
these 3 chapters are really great so far, can't wait to see where this will go- and if you have pics of what the characters look like then i'd love to have a look
@ LoveAmongOtherThings Oh wow you have no idea how much I appreciate that you put so much thought into commenting in such detail! Ahaha yeahh well I did want to twist the plot a bit, so I thought Damien would be a perfect addition! (Even though in the original Sylvia Day books the character does have a gay roommate but I feel like Damien has such a cheery and high spirited character)
Also the glitch, I swear it's mibba I've tried to fix it, to put a period after "&" and each time I go back and re read it its still the same I don't know why it does that :( I'm so glad you enjoyed it! Thank you again for commenting!
HEY! So, I'm gonna comment on each chapter as I read them, that way I won't forget anything from the previous chapter lol
The layout for your story is simple but intriguing! I always liked the simple ones better because you can read it easily and there are not lots to look at.
The photo you're using really suits the story so far as well, it's two business looking people and it's also as if your characters in the photo and not just some random people, you know what I mean?
Now the chapter itself; as it progressed I found myself Smiling more and more, I really enjoyed it! I loved the 50 Shades reference! and I already really like Damien. He seems like he's gonna be the comedy relief in the story.
Now, as I was reading I noticed a little error, when you have the business name it kinda looked like it glitched
Taking a deep breath, I stepped out of the elevator to see Lewis &. Parker engraved on a silver plate above a sleek front desk.
as you see there ^. I don't know why it did that but my advice is when you submit a chapter. Go and re-read it like you're a reader, just to see what it will look like to your real readers. I find if I do that with mine I see my errors better then I can in the edit part and I'm able to fix them.
Other then that, it's really good so far. I will definitely rec and sub to this! I really wanna see how this all goes!
Love love love chapter two!!!!!! You did so good pulling it together. I'm dying to get more info on this mysterious man. Omg can't wait till the next chapter!!!!
Love love love chapter two!!!!!! You did so good pulling it together. I'm dying to get more info on this mysterious man. Omg can't wait till the next chapter!!!!
Love love love chapter two!!!!!! You did so good pulling it together. I'm dying to get more info on this mysterious man. Omg can't wait till the next chapter!!!!
Love the summary, it draws you in. I was a tad lost in the first chapter because the characters were not introduced I felt I was walking into the middle of a conversation and unsure of what was going on. Loved the last few paragraphs and the conclusion. You length is fine I prefer long chapters and write at least 1000 word chapters when I get into the meat of the story.
Loved the update, can't wait for more!