I'm a Bird - Comments

I really liked how you combined the picture and lyrics to make this story! I wasn't sure how it was going to go when I got those when I randomized them, and I definitely don't know how I would have made those prompts work so I thought you did a great job with that.

I really like how you began and ended the story. The paragraphs had just enough description to make me curious about the story and interested in seeing what the story would be about.

I thought you did a really great job at adding emotion into the story, I felt so sad for her and thought you wrote about what a person would be like if they were feeling lost really well. I knew exactly how she was feeling and I love when a story is able to make me do that. Your descriptions were nice as well, I just think maybe have some more consistent description would be good for the story. Like, you would have sentences that were full of description and then sentence that had none, and I feel like balancing it would a bit more would have been nice.

Overall though, I thought you did a really lovely job.

Summary:
God, I love Death of a Bachelor! Perfect song. I have really high expectations for this story.

Chapter One:
I love the way you opened this up. It's a beautiful thought and I think you portrayed it wonderfully.
And one day, tired of feeling lost, he decided he no longer wanted to wake up. This line was so heart-wrenching but absolutely beautiful.

This was such a meaningful piece with so much emotion behind it. I felt sad, really sad, honestly. I feel sorry for her, losing her best and only friend. I really think you captured the lost feeling well.

This flowed well and I didn't notice any mistakes that could've derailed me from the story. Great job!

Layout + Summary
I really like the cute layout. The background reminds me of both birds and clouds all at one.
And now I feel like listening to that song since I've never heard it before

Chapter: One

I really feel this story, because I've felt lost for what seems like forever now.

The writing style is beautiful. It's free and imprisoning all in one. Locking you in your own mind in that way only stories can.

When she's standing on the edge screaming she's a bird, I got goosebumps.

In all, this is a beautiful piece and is well written

Thank you both so much!

This story is just so... wow. Its very whimsical and serious at the same time. The way its written is just so heavy, but at the same time, definitely near the end I can feel it lighten up. Definitely when s/he announces to the world that they're a bird.

I think that s/he is very lonely, and that without Colby they don't have anyone to really keep them together and out of that fog s/he described. I loved the way this story flowed. The grammar and sentences structure was amazing.

Again, this story was just amazing and beautifully written.

Oh, wow! I had the Show comments thing on the bottom of the page open so I could comment while I read as I usually do. But I just can't stop reading to write anything because this is brilliant. I have to read a second time to be able to leave a decent comment.

I completely adore the way you start this fic. Often times, I wonder the same thing as I look up at the sky. I wish I could fly. It must feel freeing and how the wind feels brushing across my face as I soar between the fluffy clouds. The picture you paint and the description, everything is flawless.

As I read further I can almost feel the persona's loneliness, how she (I imagine she's a female because of the picture you used) feels betrayed by Coby leaving her just like that. Losing someone so important so suddenly leaves a scar that never really heals. It'll always be there. Over time, we will learn to accept it but if it is tangible, we can feel the jagged surface of the new skin growing over the open wound.

This piece is so beautifully written. I love it to pieces. You did a wonderful job! Good luck with the contest!