Hello! I'm here (finally) judging the entries for my Taking One for the Team contest!
Layout / Summary
The layout is quite nice. The way that it has the woman on the stage makes me wonder what I'm going to be reading about and it's definitely surprised me! I like that you've used the lyrics from the song in the summary as well -- that's my favourite set of lyrics off of the album so far, so I'm really excited to see where this goes.
Content
The concept of a problem child is one that you've really taken and ran with. It works along beautifully with the song as a whole, so I'm really excited that you've taken the song and worked it in well with your own plot! You've captured the essence of the song within your story -- you've got the almost 'fuck you' attitude in the sense that the narrator has done what she wanted to do, but you've also got this aspect of 'what if', where she reminisces on the bad parts and genuinely feels sorrowful. It's a really nice way to go along with the song itself.
I like the way you've pushed this full of emotions. You've got the whole thing where you genuinely feel for the narrator and what she's gone through. The way that she tells us how they went from being so close to being so distant with one simple choice is something that I can relate to -- a lot of my extended family basically shunned me after I chose to study music at university, so I can definitely relate to where the narrator is coming from. It's a very bittersweet feeling, being able to do something you love but knowing that the people you hold most dear think it's a pipe dream, or that it's stupid. I really did feel that throughout the story and it was a very strong emotion.
I also liked the nod to Simple Plan in the story -- Difficult Plan.
Concrit
I only noticed a few things when it came to errors:
dropping out from school -- this would read easier if from was of.
Every winter, we would go ski just the two of us. -- the comma placement in here is a little strange. I'd suggest something like Every winter we would go ski, just the two of us.
Overall
This piece was very bittersweet for me. I loved that the narrator was doing what she wanted to do, but I also felt very sad about the fact that she wasn't getting to do that with her father being proud of her. It's a very conflicting feeling, and I think you captured it very well. Lovely job!
Layout / Summary
The layout is quite nice. The way that it has the woman on the stage makes me wonder what I'm going to be reading about and it's definitely surprised me! I like that you've used the lyrics from the song in the summary as well -- that's my favourite set of lyrics off of the album so far, so I'm really excited to see where this goes.
Content
The concept of a problem child is one that you've really taken and ran with. It works along beautifully with the song as a whole, so I'm really excited that you've taken the song and worked it in well with your own plot! You've captured the essence of the song within your story -- you've got the almost 'fuck you' attitude in the sense that the narrator has done what she wanted to do, but you've also got this aspect of 'what if', where she reminisces on the bad parts and genuinely feels sorrowful. It's a really nice way to go along with the song itself.
I like the way you've pushed this full of emotions. You've got the whole thing where you genuinely feel for the narrator and what she's gone through. The way that she tells us how they went from being so close to being so distant with one simple choice is something that I can relate to -- a lot of my extended family basically shunned me after I chose to study music at university, so I can definitely relate to where the narrator is coming from. It's a very bittersweet feeling, being able to do something you love but knowing that the people you hold most dear think it's a pipe dream, or that it's stupid. I really did feel that throughout the story and it was a very strong emotion.
I also liked the nod to Simple Plan in the story -- Difficult Plan.
Concrit
I only noticed a few things when it came to errors:
dropping out from school -- this would read easier if from was of.
Every winter, we would go ski just the two of us. -- the comma placement in here is a little strange. I'd suggest something like Every winter we would go ski, just the two of us.
Overall
This piece was very bittersweet for me. I loved that the narrator was doing what she wanted to do, but I also felt very sad about the fact that she wasn't getting to do that with her father being proud of her. It's a very conflicting feeling, and I think you captured it very well. Lovely job!