The Lure of a Vampire - Comments

Ahh, arranged marriage stories featuring vampires are the best. Really brings me back to my Quizilla days.

I can really tell that you're trying to make this as cliche as possible, which is really great. I find sometimes with cliche stories there isn't enough of the actual cliche in it so it just sounds awkward, but you didn't have that problem! I also really enjoy the pace of the chapters. They're nice and short, which is good because Quizilla stories never really had that much detail, and something new happens in each chapter which keeps me interested and wanting to read more. You pulled off the cliffhangers that these types of stories often had which I really liked as well, it made me want to keep reading just to see what other ridiculous things would happen.

I know it's intentionally written "badly", but I saw some grammar errors throughout. Mostly just missed words and little things like that so it isn't something to worry about, but just going through and fixing those up would make it feel a little more...polished, I guess. I don't know if polished is the right word for a story like this

Great job! I really love how much cliche is packed into this story and I think you did a really good job with it.

oh Chastity. I'm surprised you didn't learn the first time when you tried to escape.

THIS IS SO COOL! I never, ever thought about doing something like this. It's so refreshing! Usually stories around here all run away from all the tools you're using (cliché, no editing, etc.). This is so easy-going and great for laughs. I love it! This is like those comedy acts Shakespeare used to insert in his plays to break the solemnity of it all. This story is the comedy act to all other stories! Seriously, you could so do like, series of short stories off of this! I'd be the #1 subbie! Recc'd and sub'd because I plan on always coming back to this story when I need a break!

This was written so perfectly! I really liked how there's this great flow~ everything about this seemed to fit nicely! I don't know if I'm making sense lol but I just like how despite your making it as cliché as possible, it's captivating. I liked that I could get glimpses of the main character, especially with this "Everyone said she was beautiful but Chastity knew better, she was just so ordinary and plain she couldn’t be." This line just shows us how Chas sees herself (character layering) but she's actually beautiful to others and can't see it (cliché aspect) and it's great.

OOOOH MYSTERIOUS CAR

WTH HER DAD
"You can't work until you're married"
LOL WHAT EVEN MAN

MAX JUST COMES IN AND SAYS "hey come with me"

wait what the
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

lol she ain't even 18 yet
Idk why I find that funny (bc im near the age )

what the
COME OUT COME OUT WHEREVER YOU ARE
that's so creepy to read, yo hahaha

damn max
He's so blunt and straight forward
but I like how he's so determined with his goals

Definitely definitely love how easy this is to follow. Your writing is has this nice glare and sparkle to it. I admire what you're doing here! Great job!

Squeal!!! Max is so bossy and a vampire. This guy can kidnap me anytime.Excuse me while I fangirl.

All caught up and I'm begging you to write more soon!!! Total cliff hanger with Max stepping into the room.
I wonder who Alex, Char, and Clint are? Thank you for not making the story too cheesy. I love that it pokes a bit of fun at the genre, but it's still a solid story. I'm interested in these characters and their development.

So, how does this not have comments??? People make no sense. I just finished chapter three and I realize this story is written tongue in cheek, but I am wildly entertained.
This story speaks to my angsty mid 2000's self.♡♡♡
My favorite line so far was Max saying, "You don't touch what's not yours."
Whoah, dude.... *fans self.* Someone get me some water!