The Albino and the Blind Girl - Comments

  • Shirogane

    Shirogane (100)

    :
    NaNoWriMo 2016
    Gender:
    Age:
    32
    Location:
    United States
    I really like the layout for this. And the pic chosen for the banner is perfect. I think it really fits your emotion. And the summary has me hooked (not just because I love Terezi and Karkat).

    Chapter One:
    I will start off by saying that there are a few misplaced and missing commas. You might want to go back and edit it a little more to catch those.

    However, I really like your characterization of Karkat. You can tell he's angry, but has kind of accepted his school life, while at the same time not standing for it. And then your descriptions of Terezi are beautiful. I can just see her getting people back for harassing her because she would.

    Their interactions are so cute! I can totally see them interacting like that and having that sort of a conversation.

    Overall, this was really cute and does capture the empathy Karkat holds for Terezi. The only thing I would suggest is going back and editing some of it because there are missing and misplaced commas. Other than that, this was really good!
    April 7th, 2016 at 10:32pm