Distortion Humbug - Comments

I'm a huge fan of opening and closing with lines that mirror / are similar to one another so for starters, I really love that you use that here. It ties the whole thing off in a bow and just makes everything so rounded off and perfect. The bit in the middle too, wow - filled with emotions and it's something I can honestly connect to, with the slight positives instantly followed by stark negatives. I guess that's the reality of relationships; you get this person who you can't stop thinking about every waking minute that in some respects, you just forget that they'll lie to you and probably do things that you don't like. You've perfectly written the atypical relationship out here in such beautiful words and as El said, it is totally trippy. You've got thing like the dark and grey with the warm heart and it just doesn't compute properly and I love it.

The only criticism I have is that some of the sentences are short versus short afterwards and it does sound a little choppy but honestly, I think it might work here, so not a major criticism. Lovely job!

the title of this is pure brilliance, what is this it's perfection! also i love the whole bulk of this little drabble. it's so beautiful & full of emotion that once you finish reading, you literally want to throw a bitch fit bc it's so wonderful & just everything i've ever wanted to read smashed into this short, simple piece.

I like this short. Plus, the song paired the story very well. The descriptions you used made emotions quite tangible. She/he is sad and bitter on the inside for the heartbreak their lover has done to them. They also see and hear everything so deeply, which really blends in with what they are feeling. I liked the dark gray layout too, it's very sobering.

This story leaves me wanting more of a back story, or more of a story that's yet to happen. Who is this person? Who has hurt them? Do they get back together? Were they ever a couple at all?

Okay, one I love the title and two I've never heard the song before and it's giving me hella Panic! at the Disco vibes and. Listening to it while I read this was pretty trippy to be honest.

I love the first line. I read it and I was like, "I'm definitely staying for the rest of the story." I also love how the last line makes it seem so nonchalant, whereas the middle bit gets all emotional.

God, this is so trippy to read, especially with your second sentence because the main character is closing their eyes and yet when you write "clear umbrella", and it just doesn't make sense in a really good way. It’s gray and dark, like your warm heart. — this line, and maybe it also has to do with how the dreariness of the layout perfectly suits the theme of your one-shot, but it really made me think of wet concrete. The whole story evoked for me a sense of like synaesthesia. I dig it (p.s. did I use "trippy" enough times in this comment)