June 17th, 2016 at 06:02pm
Chapter One - I absolutely love your descriptions. It's all very fresh and it doesn't resort to clichés. That second last paragraph captivated me, I didn't dare to hesitate when going to chapter two! I really hope Jonathan returns soon because he must be such a lovely man!
Chapter Two - Your style of writing depicts (without fault!) the time period. From the first paragraph until the last, you always conducted a picture in my head of the 18th century. Kudos to you because that's surely not an easy thing to do!
You've really showed an incredible talent! Your descriptions are abundant and of great quality and the plot is original. Those are the two weapons towards success! Keep it up!
The layout goes very well with what I assume the story will be like after reading the prequel, and although I already know what this is going to be following on from, it's really interesting to get that aspect that Mary and Jonathan aren't going to get the fairytale ending that I wanted them to get at the end of Evermore!
Content
Talk about bringing the reader into the story with a bang! I'm not even a paragraph in and we're already talking about shooting Jonathan and I'm definitely interested. I love that you've used the same format as the prequel as well -- that aspect of having a burst of action at the beginning and then going back to tell the story from the beginning. In this case, it works really well because I'm definitely engrossed and wanting to know what's happening! It adds this wonderful sense of suspense because as a reader, I just wanna turn around and have the answer to who this murder is.
Oh, I was worried that Mr Arnold would show up again, ugh. He needs to get over it and move on. I wonder if he has something to do with the prologue. I hope not. I didn't find him necessarily cruel, so I'm hoping that he doesn't turn up and cause issues here! I'm excited to see what the trip to the town will hold -- it'll be interesting to see if the drama starts there, or if it's something that is already blossoming. I love whodunnits, so I'm definitely really enjoying this so far! The characters are just as strong and three-dimensional as they were beforehand, and the description is still very good at establishing the setting in time. I'm really excited to see where this goes.
Concrit
There were also parts that the couple and the children attended as a family -- I'm not sure, but should 'parts' be 'parties'? It makes little sense the way it is just now.
Overall
Very good beginnings! I like that you've kept up the pace from the prequel, and I'm definitely curious about what's happening and who is responsible for the horrible actions of the prologue. Great job so far!