Breaking Free - Comments

@ AJ9
maybe! i definitely need something else to work on aside from my other stories. (even though i haven't updated in like a century) but sometimes you just need something else... thank you for commenting! :)

I think you should turn this into a full story. It has plenty of mileage in it.

@ Audrey T
Thank you so much! I took your advice and separated the chapters. I had actually thought about doing that but had decided not to.

Hello!

(Commenting for Mibba's Comment Swap Challenge.)

The intro part of the story was really nicely done. Sometimes sharing so much background information in one go can come off as tedious, but the way you worded it kept it interesting. It really felt like a bit of a prologue and there was enough of the main character's voice to make it not seems like just a listing of facts.

(I think the only thing I would change, would be to start a new chapter after that introduction, when you move from her recap of their lives to the present day. That last sentence - We were in the middle of our sophomore year when everything started to change. - would be a perfect ending to a chapter.)

I was really surprised by the abuse. When she described walking down the hall and being stared at by the other people, I immediately thought walk of shame. I thought it was a nice touch because it made me look at the two situations side-by-side.

I was shocked (and maybe disappointed) by Jimmy's reaction to Alessa's outburst (You don’t have a say in who I choose to date!). Considering what she's just been through, I would think he'd be more patient and not so quick to walk away from her. But I thought that them hashing it out later on (so soon after their argument) was a great way to really showcase the kind of friendship they have. It would have been easy for them to let the argument fester between them, but it seems they have the kind of friendship where they don't stay mad long.

I think her and Jimmy getting together was definitely inevitable but I think it happened at a time that made sense. They were both feeling emotional and threatened and I think it's understandable that they would fall into each other.

Overall, I think this story moved pretty fast, but the pace worked. Even though it's a plot I've seen before, I think the way you wrote it helped set it apart from others like it.

I realky like this. I wish you would write it as a chartered story, starting from the beginning when she first met Jimmy. You really made me want to know more about their pasts and the future, too. I'm really surprised this doesn't
have more comments. Great story!