Real - Comments

The premise sounds super interesting and in just one chapter you already have me hooked. I really like the way you describe quirks in human behaviour, things that tell you so much about the character and are often overlooked. Again, another fantastic piece of writing.

Between the story and the graphic you chose to be the header I couldn't help but get a Pinocchio feel to this. If you hadn't put cyborg on the status I might have assumed it was an alternate universe fic for it (still could be actually...)
I think you described the setting so well and depicted the main characters feelings of not wanting to be in that alleyway. We've all been there, somewhere we didn't want to be, somewhere we'd probably get murdered brutally and the urgency in the description really came across with his actions of looking to his phone frequently, which is something a lot of us do now a days.
When the sound happened, I was like, "Oh crap. Murder. This is it. He's man eating cyborg lunch," but you ended it right then (!!!!) and I'm left wondering what that look in Mr Mysterious' eyes were. Anger? Sadness? Terror? I want to read the next chapter like I want to take my next breath. Its really got me thinking of scenarios that could potentially play out.

This summary is perfect. It had the right amount of everything to hook me in and make me fall in love all at the same time. The small description, the dialogue and the everything just came so perfectly together to make this summary. It sets up the right tones and emotions, and it just hooked me. You really hit the nail on the head here, Lizz. Also, the layout is wonderful~

Chapter One

The atmosphere of the first paragraph was built up so well. I felt like I was right there with him, seeing everything he was seeing, feeling everything he was feeling. I can just picture the setting absolutely perfectly just from the information you have given me so far. You just showed us, instead of telling us, that this place is unsafe, what kind of place it is and it was just so wonderfully. You really have a knack for using description, tone and atmosphere to engage the reader and build your story from 2D to 3D.

Does the character have anxiety of some sorts? I got that vibe whilst reading the second paragraph, because if he does it was portrayed super well and yet it was so subtle at the same time, it really just gave off this amazing vibe that was so vivid and real. Like the emotions just came so perfectly and I could almost feel them, too. I felt anxious just from the fact he was walking out of this alleyway, at the fact that he was incredibly anxious and scared as well. You grip the reader so well, and you make them feel something, which is really hard to do but you did it and you did it so well.

The tension and suspense build-up was subtle but done perfectly. It kept me absolute on edge to know who was there in the alleyway with him, and then to find out it was someone is a hospital gown with blood splattered everywhere? I have so many questions and I can't wait for them to be answered in further chapters. The plot you've built up so far is so intriguing.

The final line. Wow. What a hook. WOW.

Overall

Overall, this was an absolutely fantastic piece and you nailed everything you've got so far perfectly. The tone, the atmosphere, the suspense build up was just amazingly done here, in just this short prologue. I can't wait to see what you have in store for us from here. Honestly, I am just so blown away by this and I can safely say this is your best, Lizz. TRUST ME. I literally have no criticisms, what a fantastic piece.

I JUST NEEDED YOU TO KNOW
that I'm already in love with this because gay cyborgs