Please update soon!
August 7th, 2017 at 08:11am
Hello! I'm here commenting for the Mix & Match contest. I'm terribly sorry this has taken so long!
First off, I liked how you incorporated the prompts into your story. Instead of doing the general girl writing to her boyfriend overseas, you twisted it around a little bit and I appreciated the unique spin you put on it. I also liked how, even though this was an Avenged Sevenfold fanfic, it was completely AU and there was nothing about the band/their music careers in the story. It seems like all of the A7X stories I see have some sort of music aspect to them so it was nice to read a story where that wasn't a factor.
I thought you started the story out well and it was paced nicely, so nothing felt rushed and it was easy to read. I was a bit confused about Zack thought. His character as a whole felt a bit random -- I assume he was introduced to be the person to tell Matt about the Jenna/Jane situation, but his introduction felt a bit rushed and he seems weirdly comfortable around Jenna for not knowing her. And the fact that he gave her a puppy felt a little odd to me.
I also felt like the interaction between Jenna and Matt, when he came home to visit, was done well but it seemed odd that he decided to just stay in the house with her and that she was perfectly fine with that. Maybe it's just me, but I don't think I'd want some random guy staying in my house when I was alone there, ya know?
Overall though, I thought this was well written and an interesting concept. I liked how you varied your descriptions, so you had bits that were in-depth and some stuff that was described more "shallowly", because it worked really well to build up your characters and the little town that they are in. I have a bit of a soft spot for stories set in small town, and I think you wrote the setting really well.
Well done!
