The Great Inspiration - Comments

I think the first thing that really drew me into the story was the italicized paragraph that explains her break up with Rachel. It's just so nonchalant, but also heartbreaking. I think it really ties everything together nicely. We're jumping through Liz's memories of her and then we suddenly know exactly why she's there. It's not to apologize like she believes, it's because of that.

The next surprised came when Jaya apologized for being different. I didn't really expect her to be aware of how much she'd changed or notice that Eliza noticed it. It's not often that characters are self-aware like that.

The ending was good, but I felt like something was missing. I think it's supposed to be her accepting that Jaya is different and deciding that everything's changed between them now, but I just needed a little something more. We're left with them standing alone in the kitchen hugging one another. I think it's that same realization from Jaya that's missing. Right now it feels like she wants to change back for Liz and I don't know.

I think it's definitely a compliment that I'm thinking so hard about their relationship.

You're eye for detail is amazing. Its there but it's not so heavy that it takes over the story. I am able to get a clear picture of how Jaya is now and who she used to be , and the contrast is great and I love it. The emotions in this story, I can almost feel the sadness and guilt and awkwardness at the beginning. The description of them as they used to be and who they are now, and the obvious lacl of comfort they now feel around each other, I love when I can feel what is being described, and I definitely felt it all with this one. This story is very well written though it's short, if you ever had planned on expanding it , I think it would do well.

This story is utterly full of emotion I felt myself tearing up towards the end. Jaya and Eliza was obviously that couple that was gonna take over the world or go against it. Either way they were gonna do it together. The description of Jaya and how she was before Eliza and after is so full of detail, an image of Jaya easily appeared in my mind's eye. I really enjoyed this story and I think your writing holds great promise.