Bone Echoes - Comments

Hi there! I am commenting from the story comment swap thread.

Sorry it’s taken over a year for someone to claim this, hope I make up for that

First off, the layout is so awesome and just made me go “wow!” when I opened the tab up to the story! The colors are beautiful and work so beautifully together.

This drabble is absolutely, tragically beautiful. I feel like I’m watching the past unfold right before my eyes, watching the trauma that he felt unravel and catch in the middle of my throat. But someone with post traumatic stress disorder (which he states that he is suffering from) would be allowed to watch fireworks as that’s incredibly triggering as we see with the last paragraph.

This story is heart wrenching and incredibly beautiful. It catches on the readers emotions and makes them sympathise with this poor gentleman who is suffering from being forced into a war at such a tender young age. You also make the sounds he hears so real; you can imagine being in that woods with him, listening to the battle rattling on – it makes me sick to my stomach which is amazing because that’s the kind of emotion that ever writer dies to help the reader feel.

Overall, I’m in love with this story. It’s absolutely beautiful and perfect. Congratulations on how wonderful this piece is, you should be incredibly proud of yourself.

Layout + Summary
I adore the layout! The way you put everything together is so lovely and I feel like the layout is going to work perfectly, especially with the summary! Holy wow, it's simple, but so beautiful and really intrigued me.

Content
I'm already so in love with this. The emotion you put behind your words, the detail, and the vision is terrifying, but beautiful at the same time. I love how you set up this little one-shot, as it really draws the reader in.

The fact that this newly enlisted kid is so bothered by the bloodshed, while others are running around and enjoying it says a lot. War definitely changes people.

Quote

For fifty plus years, the memories of my past have haunted me. Even in my sleep. The medical term was post traumatic stress disorder, but there was nothing post about it; post meant after, but I was not dealing with anything after the war.

This paragraph got to me. Holy crap.

I'm surprised the doctors had him watch the fireworks, especially if they knew about his injuries. The reaction was very real, but I can't actually see the doctors putting him through that.

Nevertheless, wow, this was such an impactful piece. I can honestly say I've never read anything like this on Mibba, but I'm glad you entered this in my contest. Beautiful imagery and a wonderful message. Well done!

I truly love that I am already so interested in this story by just the layout and the title. I know I shouldn't be that influenced by it but i can't really help it.

Onto the prologue I am even more intrigued. And I totally agree that a war can never be won, since there is just so much loss.

The story starts really intense, I can feel my throat closing up a little as I read about the nightmares he/or she, is being haunted with. Your words are just beautiful. the sentences have this flow to them that take me on their current without me having to put in any effort. I drift along them, no need for swimming.

This is just a brilliant oneshot. I applaud you.

Since I'm dutch I'm sorry I can't give you any grammar pointers (I don't know half the english grammar rules to start with), but at least you know there aren't any major faults to be found.

Love the story.