July 20th, 2016 at 07:33pm
I feel like this story is better suited for a multi-chapter short. There's so much backstory and world building to be done with Porcerelleria, that it seems clumped together, awkward and cluttered, at the beginning. It was very hard to read and seemed amateur, but I feel as if it's the fault of the length, not yours. It's hard to sprinkle in detail through the story in one so short.
That being said, I love the concept. It's a very cool world, and very unique to itself. (But I will say, the idea of porcelain and such isn't that original for a darker story.) But the world is very much alive. Again, my only downside is that it all seems very forced with the exposition. Past it, the story is very well written and fleshed out, though the ending, if anything was predictable. But I guess we knew that from the beginning, no?
The summary really draws me in and makes me wonder what's going to happen. And I'm wondering who or what the Tinted Ones are.
OMgosh! I never thought anyone would create characters that were porcelain dolls, ones that were alive like humans! That is actually really unique and it gives me the feeling of Pinocchio, almost. I really like the idea behind this story and it was an amazing read. But the ending, it was so sad, I know it was left open to interpretation but my brain's thinking, "Oh god, they were destroyed!" Forgive me if that was the wrong impression.
Your writing skills has created a really good story and I almost wish there was more to the story or even a sequel because the idea of Tinted Ones and Porcellerians is an interesting one.
Thanks for entering our contest.
-Hina