For Storms and Saints - Comments

Okay first off, I love Frank Iero my first fanfic ever was of him. I really like the direction this story is going. I have a feeling that maybe, just maybe, Frank and Noa will end up together. Or it could go a completely different direction. One of my favorite types of endings are unhappy endings because life doesn't end happy. I also just want to point out some grammar errors and spelling issues. They're not totally massive, just little things that can be caught with a proofread. I really liked this story and I do hope you continue it!

@ aliens.
Thank you for leaving a comment.

Summary:
Holy crap, it feels like I've been forever since I've read a Frank Iero story. This sounds cliche, but in a good way. The summary pulled me in and made me super excited to see where you're planning on going with this.

Chapter One:

Quote

“Hold in, she’s coming Theo, you’ll see.”

in should be on

Wow, a lot of wife hate here. It's so common to see, but I thought it wasn't something that was done anymore. This definitely doesn't make Noa seem to likable, in my opinion. She seems kind of stuck up.

Yeah, Noa definitely give off the jealous vibe.

I did see parts of this where commas were missing, but I have trouble with them, too. That being said, it didn't bother me too much. Other than the mistake I pointed out at the beginning of the chapter, I didn't really see anything else.

I don't think I'll be continuing this because seeing wife hate gets so tiring in fiction. That's just me, though. I wish you the best of luck with this!

This is incredible so far! I can't wait to see what happens please update

Holy hell, this story is incredible!

I can't wait for more updates

@ Audrey T
Thank you for commenting! Your feed back gave me a lot of inspiration on how to spin the story to make it better and less cliche!

Hello!

(Commenting for Mibba's Comment Swap Challenge.)

I think this story has a lot of potential to be an interesting one. I like the fact that it's a My Chem story focusing on the characters as adults with families, and that the issues they're facing (going to be facing) are definitely going to be complicated.

From the first chapter, I noticed how unreliable of a narrator Noa is. I feel like Noa's envy when it comes to Victoria and Frank is so potent and obvious that's it's impossible for me to take her opinions and observations about their relationship seriously. She's so hyper-critical and judgmental of Victoria (even when it comes to the simplest of things). It feels as though everything she thinks about Victoria and every conclusions she's reached about Victoria and Frank's relationship is tainted by her jealousy. And since Noa's POV is the only one I've got as a reader, it makes it hard for me to get a real sense of what Frank/Victoria are like. It just feels like you're vilifying Victoria to justify an affair Frank and Noa may have in the future.

I feel like in that respect, making the wife the villain so that the OTP can get together, this story might become a little cliche. I think it would be a more interesting story to read if there was a little more depth to why Frank and Victoria can't work out and why Frank and Noa are better suited for each other.

@ PoeticMess.
Awesome! Thank you so much, again!

@ fantastic bastards;
Chapter one!

“Victoria should have dinner ready by the time we get home.” We had made it on the highway and the kids were watching some animated kid’s movie, making their mouths slack open like zombies.

*****“God, I forgot about your prim and proper wife. I mean no wonder your kids are named like they’re heir to the Iero throne.” I laughed. No matter how much I loved Frank, I will alway hate that he let Victoria name the kids with no creative dad input from Frank. He was the king of cool names in my opinion.

@ PoeticMess.
I really appreciate your feed back and hope you keep reading, but would you mind telling me where I wrote "God, I forgot about your wife."? I tend to forget what happens in my own stories lol

Hey! I haven't read Frank Iero fics in so long. It's strange to see one where he's an adult with a family and kids. I really like this take on it. One thing that I found a little odd is that Noa says "God, I forgot about your wife". How's that possible when she's literally with the woman's kids and husband? I think rephrasing that could make it seem more natural.

I really like Frank's character and Noa's, but be careful with Victoria. You don't want her to become the cliche, typical snotty, soccer mom/wife who doesn't appreciate her "artsy, wonderful, brilliant" husband. I think it would be really cool to see a lot of depth from both women. They both have their reasons for loving Frank and obviously he loved/loves Victoria so there has to be something good about her.

I think you're doing a good job with the story! There's a couple of grammatical errors here and there, but nothing too major. I can tell that the story is going to expand a lot and the relationship you've set up between Frank and Noa can go a lot of different directions! Good job so far. :)

Okay so first off, I love Frank he was one of my first serious crushes lol
I like this story I think it has a good plot and it's moving very well, I think the relationships between all the characters is believable and other than a few grammer issues I think this story is amazing! Keep up the good work!