Azure - Comments

@ aliens.
Thank you so much for your comment! It was really insightful and helpful. I really appreciate the constructive criticism. There are a lot of things I'm unsure about when it comes to this story and I try my best but I know I can still fall short in some areas. I'll really take your comment into account when writing future chapters. I hope you do continue to read!! I look forward to more feedback. There are themes of violence and sexual assault but nothing too graphic yet, though I understand if you aren't ready to read anything like that yet. Nevertheless, thank you for reading!!

double post.

Summary:
I really like the imagery you created with the summary. It didn't really pull me in, but it was still pleasing to read.

Chapter One:
I really enjoyed the look you get at December's life. There's a kind of routine to it that was nice to see. She really should've taken Kyle up on the ride home, though.

Quote

"My name is Alex. I love you and you love me."

Holy crap, I got chills reading that. I definitely wasn't expecting it, and I'm really curious to see where this will go.

Chapter Two:
Alex seems like a crazy fucker. I feel like you were really realistic with everything up until the fact that December almost laughed. In that moment, I don't think she would've laughed at anything he did, especially if she were so afraid only a few minutes before. Not only that, but Stockholm Syndrome wouldn't have kicked in, either. It just seemed very unrealistic.

One thing I did like about this chapter is the fact that you're keeping track of her mistakes. It really helps build up to what's going to happen and how Alex is going to react.

Right now I'm going to stop reading this because I have a feeling that something very brutal is going to happen in chapter 3, and I'm not ready to read something like that right now. I will say that, apart from the bit of con crit I pointed out above, you have something pretty great going on here. There's a really good chance I'll come back to this and read the rest. While the summary didn't pull me in, the story itself did, which is great!

I didn't see any spelling/grammar mistakes, and everything was smooth in terms of reading. You have a lovely way of writing that isn't too 'fancy', but also isn't too 'blah' for this kind of story, if that makes sense.

Well done!

So far, I'm really liking this story. I stopped reading most band fiction after I got into college but this one is refreshingly different that other band fics (at least that I've read). I like your writing style and the little bit of mystery that's going on. I also really like that December's initial reaction to being kidnapped wasn't fight or flight, but freeze. Overall, I'd say your story is really interesting and I can't wait to read more! Also, break pencils in college, the first semester can be a little overwhelming.

I saw this under the comment swap thing on the mibba home page and I was so excited to see it was an Alex Gaskarth story these are usually my favorites, so I'm gonna keep reading I'm only on the second chapter and I'm already hooked. Subscribing <3

Hmm... still leaving the how they met part a mystery...
But interesting how this is developing. I wonder who he was talking on the phone with. Just someone he knows, maybe? Or maybe Alex taking her has an ulterior motive? Maybe he's working for someone, or with someone else?
A few things I spotted:
It passing glance and brush of accidental skin contact had me stuff and flinching in reflex.
A few things wrong with this sentence, lol, I think I understood what you meant but a few words need to be switched out. lol.
Alex moved to remove when of the cuffs, the restrain slipping through the roof handle.
'When' should be 'one' I think.
Alex's was there to catch me before I fell. "Can walk my ass," his words were low and muttered and I couldn't help the heat the bloomed in my cheeks at his comment.
'Alex's' should just be 'Alex' I believe, and then just before 'bloomed', 'the' should be 'that'.
That's all I caught, but I'm half asleep at the moment. Reading this late/early depending on how you look at it, lol.
But I found it funny how I caught many of those things at the end. You were just giving up, running out of fuel at the late hour. XD I've been there.
But anyway, I'm so happy you updated! :D Really can't wait for more! :D Great job overall with the chapter, sometimes fillers are needed.

Great job with the update! :D
I'm just gonna respond to the comment you left me here so it saves an extra comment on your profile, lol. I'm glad you don't mind me pointing stuff out, I know depending on the author, it will either be helpful or annoying. lol. I'm kind of stuck in the mode where I do it to help out, so I'm glad you appreciate it. :) And I will be here to leave comments as long as you keep writing. :)
So things I noted with this chapter:
Why aren't you looking at me?.
There's an extra punctuation mark here when December is questioning.
It'd be be better to change into this.
I almost didn't see this myself, but there's an extra "be" in there. Or you could perhaps add a hyphen between be and better, be-better, to make it look like he's maybe stuttering, out of nervousness or something. That would actually make sense at this point. Maybe that was even an original thought, and the hyphen was forgotten?
I wondered if I had ruined my plans of acting like his perfect dream girl.
Thinking this should be 'his plans' lol.
But yeah, anyway... ooohhh, so they've met before. He doesn't seem too happy that she didn't remember. I can't remember if you had that also happen in the first version of this story or not, so if you did, I can't remember exactly what the explanation was, lol, so I'm excited to see what this backstory is. Sorry, I read a lot so it's hard to keep exact details of all the stories I read straight. XD But I usually remember them for the most part. :)
Oh, and thanks for the shout-out girl, I appreciate it. :D And I admire you for trucking through this even though you don't exactly have an interest in Alex anymore; I'm actually going through that with my one story I recently picked up again as well, although not ATL, someone different. But like you, I find that the excitement of the plot motivates me. :) But now I just need to update it again myself, lol, haven't had much time to write. :/
But anyway, kind of going off topic there, lol, can't wait for more! :D

Loving this! You should try to be a tad more descriptive! There were a few times I got confused. But over all it's fantastic!

This is preeeetty good. :)

Oooh, okay, so thankfully what I was fearing didn't happen. That's good.
But he did get aggressive. I mean, he already was with the handcuffs thing I guess, but now it's just... poor December. :(
Okay, a couple things I noticed:
His eyes searched his eyes for a moment before his mouth pulled into that tight-lipped frown once again.
His eyes searched my eyes I'm thinking... lol, don't think he can search his own. XD
Here:
"Exactly. I said . You didn't.
and here:
Air, air, air .
There's an extra space after the italicized words. That's getting extremely technical and sorry if I seem like an obnoxious mother truckaaa. XD
And with this sentence I had two things to note:
I caught the look of horror ad regret on his face before whopping around and rushing into the bathroom.
'ad' should be 'and', but I think 'whopping' should be 'whipping'. I'm not sure if that second one was a typo though or just word confusion. 'whopping' is more so in reference to a large item, where as 'whipping' around, she would have done it quickly. It was probably just a typo but I know with some words that I use myself, I think they'll have the definition of another that's similar. XD So sorry if I read too into that.
But that's all I saw. Great job with it, and can't wait for more! I'm interested in learning more about this original Alex character's history, if that's ever approached. Why he's doing this, how he grew up (and how that probably made him the way he is today), etc. Family life... just what I'm wondering at the moment, but you may have that planned at some point. :)

Great job with the second update. I went back to the first one and saw you fixed the words and stuff that I pointed out with the first comment. :P Didn't spot anything this time, I think you're good. :)
OMG what's going to happen now? I'm like cringing I mean I know this is more of an original character Alex but I hope he has morals enough to not do what I think he's going to. :( Meh.
But I guess asking him to have morals is pretty insane right? Considering what he's done and all.
I'm interested in seeing what happens next.

more please!

OMG.
So I got the notification for this, and it took me a minute to remember what story it was (I read a lot of stories XD)...
But once I did, I was like, OMGGawejkaifaoidjn XD
Because it's back! I was hoping for more of this, and granted it's a rewrite, but I am excited because the first one was seriously so good! I even already recommended it because I definitely have high hopes for it. :D
I'm here! And so I wanted to leave a comment letting you know that. And to encourage you to definitely continue. :)
Two things I noticed with the first update, to fix. Just kind of small.
At this part:
Weren't they always saying if you're taken hostage, comply with their demands so as to not prevent aggravating the assailant?
I don't think the "not" should be in there, because it's like, to "prevent aggravating the assailant," right? Not to not prevent it. lol. Basically the way you said it sounds like she doesn't care if it aggravates him, but then that doesn't make sense.
"My name is Alex. I love you and you love."
I'm thinking it should be "you love me." lol. If not the ending with you love just seemed a bit vague.
But those were the only two things I found. Otherwise, this chapter was great! :D I'm really interested in the fact that he compared her to others. So in this version, is this just some sick thing he does? Or did he just lie? Hmmm...
God, this is so difficult to read though, Alex is so sweet and this has a fucked up plot line, but you're usually Alex to portray the character, lol, so it's very conflicting for me. XD
But anyway, once again, I'm happy you brought this back and I seriously can't wait for more! :D