I'm here (very belatedly) judging the A World at War contest!
Layout / Summary
I love the simple layout you have, and I'm absolutely in love with the font you used for the title banner. Your summary is very short, and in a way it's not as good of a hook as it could be, but combined with the curiosity I have for the title, it pulls me in well enough.
Content
The way that you write is simply breathtaking. I don't know what it is, but with the words in the first chapter alone, you capture this wonderful sense of the fact that Divina is so frustrated by the goings-on about her, and the fact that she can't do anything about it. It's like an outpouring of grief for the land and hatred for the lack of control she has over it, and it's wonderful to read. It continues right on throughout, and the grasp on the emotions of your characters is shown when you have this beautifully short chapter that just rips my heart out, where Divina has this outpouring of grief for Basyong. I never know how to accurately display grief in stories, so I'm really envious that you've managed to do this here with such power.
You've also gone for a story slightly different to what I would have expected -- you've shown the more powerless side of things with Divina instead of going for the out-and-out portrayal of war from a soldier's view, which is super-interesting. Additionally, you've perhaps done a better job of making the horrors of war as real as possible than most people can through the show of war from the front lines, which is really commendable.
Concrit
I honestly didn't notice much at all:
It beckoned to her as does flame do to moths. -- this sentence is rather clumsy, and I think it's the 'do' that makes it look strange to me. I'd maybe try removing that, as it makes more sense without it.
But there lied Danilo -- lied here should be lay
Dried blood stained the sheets he lied upon -- again, lied should be lay
Overall
I love this. It's so heartbreaking, but also so blunt and shows the effects of war on not just the people fighting it, but the people left behind. You've handled the subject matter wonderfully and written it in a stunning fashion. The points I noted above are the only issues I have with this. You've done a fantastic job.
Layout / Summary
I love the simple layout you have, and I'm absolutely in love with the font you used for the title banner. Your summary is very short, and in a way it's not as good of a hook as it could be, but combined with the curiosity I have for the title, it pulls me in well enough.
Content
The way that you write is simply breathtaking. I don't know what it is, but with the words in the first chapter alone, you capture this wonderful sense of the fact that Divina is so frustrated by the goings-on about her, and the fact that she can't do anything about it. It's like an outpouring of grief for the land and hatred for the lack of control she has over it, and it's wonderful to read. It continues right on throughout, and the grasp on the emotions of your characters is shown when you have this beautifully short chapter that just rips my heart out, where Divina has this outpouring of grief for Basyong. I never know how to accurately display grief in stories, so I'm really envious that you've managed to do this here with such power.
You've also gone for a story slightly different to what I would have expected -- you've shown the more powerless side of things with Divina instead of going for the out-and-out portrayal of war from a soldier's view, which is super-interesting. Additionally, you've perhaps done a better job of making the horrors of war as real as possible than most people can through the show of war from the front lines, which is really commendable.
Concrit
I honestly didn't notice much at all:
- It beckoned to her as does flame do to moths. -- this sentence is rather clumsy, and I think it's the 'do' that makes it look strange to me. I'd maybe try removing that, as it makes more sense without it.
- But there lied Danilo -- lied here should be lay
- Dried blood stained the sheets he lied upon -- again, lied should be lay
OverallI love this. It's so heartbreaking, but also so blunt and shows the effects of war on not just the people fighting it, but the people left behind. You've handled the subject matter wonderfully and written it in a stunning fashion. The points I noted above are the only issues I have with this. You've done a fantastic job.