Moonlight's Danger - Comments

The first line of this is super-ominous. Puts the reader right into the middle of everything and leaves you with an uncomfortable feeling in your stomach as you read ahead. It really sets the scene quite well, especially when you read further down and get to the scene where Lupin attacks Snape. It's a horrible thing to happen, because I don't know whether to feel sorrier for Snape or for Lupin. I mean, obviously, Lupin has this curse that he can't control and I imagine as much as the Marauders are always portrayed as hating Snape, Lupin has that sense of humility in him and I imagine he'll feel awful. On the other hand, Snape doesn't deserve to be inflicted with the curse that Lupin lives with, and I imagine that's such a crushing blow for him to have happen -- evidenced at the end when Snape mentions that he wants to die. It's such an awful situation and it seems typical of Dumbledore's way of running the school that the other two don't get at least punished gravely for ruining his life.

I liked this take on the Marauders. It's interesting to read something that's from mostly Snape's view instead of Sirius or James' view, and I enjoyed your interpretation of these events. Nice job!

Summary:
Okay, holy hell, I really loved this summary! It draws the reader in and really makes them want to know what's going to happen in the story. You didn't give too much away and left the reader with questions, which is always good!

One:
I absolutely love the way you started this out. Your opening is great and pulls the reader in even more. I'm definitely intrigued!

Oh, James and Sirius are at it again. I feel really bad for Remus, especially since he didn't know about it. Like, you can tell in this that James and Sirius care about Remus because of what they're doing for them, but there's also the fact that they're willing to exploit Remus and his curse to their biggest enemy at that point. Idk man, it's pretty shitty of them.

Okay, Mixie is such a cute name, and I love the fact that you included a house elf in this. Bless you!

God, Sirius is such a massive cock... Tbh, he probably only showed the concern he did bc of the trouble he'd get into. But, oh shit, Remus bit him. That's not good!

Part of me wishes James and Sirius had been expelled. I think differently about Remus just because he didn't know, so it really wasn't his fault.

Man, I really want to see you continue this! I want to see how Snape gets back at them for what they caused. I'd love to see the revenge!

I didn't see any mistakes, and the read was super smooth. I wasn't confused by anything at all. You did a really awesome job on this!

can i say how much i honestly love the summary? it's simple & sweet, definitely something that summarizes the upcoming mystery & intensity in the piece you've written & that i'm itching to read, omg.

but holy mother, this is a harry potter fic???? i totally wasn't expecting it, but the more i started to read, the more i wanted to scream out of excitement, which i obviously can't bc it's late & im tired & also...work environment. gotta be professional but not really. can i just say though, when i read the original series & found out how much snape was bullied by james, sirius, peter & remus, i really wanted to punch them in the goddamn face?? & i wanted to know what types of bullshit pranks they'd pull, but even reading this (& perhaps bc alan rickman's death is still like a raw wound on my heart) just tore me in half.

regardless, your words flow wonderfully in this piece & i could just imagine the attack on snape that eventually led to the lyncathrope affliction upon him as well. there were some dialogue that were shared between the friends that seemed odd, but only bc i don't really think people would say things like that to e/o & it seemed really formal & uptight as opposed to how friends would be loose w/ their words & half-ass whatever their conversation was. but aside that, this was a really good piece. i think it could work as a one-shot so the reader could sort of make up a story in itself, or it could work as your own plot...like what happens when the gang has to see snape knowing their prank led to his curse.