I'm here (very belatedly) judging the A World at War contest!
Layout / Summary
The layout is very simple and uniform -- it works very well with the topic of the writing, and it doesn't distract from the story itself, which is nice. The summary gives away just enough, but not too much. It's a nice hook into the story itself.
Content
Your description in this is breathtaking. You paint such a wonderfully vivid portrait with your first paragraph in particular -- the vision of the man under the tree, the insects... everything just makes sense and works into this beautiful image. I can almost feel the heat sticking to my skin.
With the scene being set so beautifully, I almost forgot this story was set within scenery of war. I think that in itself is impressive. It also mean that when it came to the crux of the story -- Old Jack's sons being killed -- that the impact was so much more emphatic than it would have been ordinarily. I think too many people forget that war doesn't just take lives on battlefields full of dead bodies, and this showcases that perfectly.
I love the open-endedness of this. We are left to draw our own conclusions about what happens to Old Jack, and how his crusade for revenge goes. It allows us to think of ways the war could end for him. I always like stories that end in that vein -- it means that we can let our imaginations run even long after the story has finished.
Concrit
The only things I picked up on were really minimal:
The Tennessee air was hot and humid in the afternoon sun, the chorus of buzzing insects and chirping birds and other wildlife sang throughout the damp, wooded lands near the river water as it crept steadily northwards. -- this is a really long sentence, and it drags on a little. I'd suggest splitting it into two sentences. It'd work well if you changed the comma in the first line between afternoon sun and the chorus of buzzing insects.
“May I help you, sirs?” She asked tentatively. -- she should be in lowercase here.
“I swear we ain't done it, pa!” One of the boys professed. -- one should be in lowercase here.
Overall
This was wonderful. I liked the fact that you went for something different from what I had expected, and it worked really well. Your descriptive work was beautiful. I would suggest watching out for little errors within your dialogue tags, but there weren't too many to notice. Lovely job!
Layout / Summary
The layout is very simple and uniform -- it works very well with the topic of the writing, and it doesn't distract from the story itself, which is nice. The summary gives away just enough, but not too much. It's a nice hook into the story itself.
Content
Your description in this is breathtaking. You paint such a wonderfully vivid portrait with your first paragraph in particular -- the vision of the man under the tree, the insects... everything just makes sense and works into this beautiful image. I can almost feel the heat sticking to my skin.
With the scene being set so beautifully, I almost forgot this story was set within scenery of war. I think that in itself is impressive. It also mean that when it came to the crux of the story -- Old Jack's sons being killed -- that the impact was so much more emphatic than it would have been ordinarily. I think too many people forget that war doesn't just take lives on battlefields full of dead bodies, and this showcases that perfectly.
I love the open-endedness of this. We are left to draw our own conclusions about what happens to Old Jack, and how his crusade for revenge goes. It allows us to think of ways the war could end for him. I always like stories that end in that vein -- it means that we can let our imaginations run even long after the story has finished.
Concrit
The only things I picked up on were really minimal:
- The Tennessee air was hot and humid in the afternoon sun, the chorus of buzzing insects and chirping birds and other wildlife sang throughout the damp, wooded lands near the river water as it crept steadily northwards. -- this is a really long sentence, and it drags on a little. I'd suggest splitting it into two sentences. It'd work well if you changed the comma in the first line between afternoon sun and the chorus of buzzing insects.
- “May I help you, sirs?” She asked tentatively. -- she should be in lowercase here.
- “I swear we ain't done it, pa!” One of the boys professed. -- one should be in lowercase here.
OverallThis was wonderful. I liked the fact that you went for something different from what I had expected, and it worked really well. Your descriptive work was beautiful. I would suggest watching out for little errors within your dialogue tags, but there weren't too many to notice. Lovely job!