Belong - Comments

@ losing control.

@ exploding boy.

Thank you :)

Here as a judge for the Magazine contest!

Like the others, I absolutely wasn't expecting this story at all! As I was reading the beginning I truly expected this to be an engagement story or something similar and then when I hit the last couple of paragraphs, I started to get a little suspicious. Leaving the entire narration of the narrator... well, eating Yoongi until the last paragraph was definitely interesting. As losing control. said, the narrator does sound rather ominous throughout, but it's not something you pick up on as a reader until the very last minute -- then you feel really silly for being dragged into these romantic preconceptions you have once you read!

Your writing itself is very poetic, too. I love the introductory line and the way that you describe things. Everything is just very well put-together, and it definitely adds to the romantic feel that the first half of the story has. It also gives more impact to the final few paragraphs and I think you end this on a really nice line -- I'ma fan of the last line for sure.

All in all, this was a really good entry! I loved the unexpectedness of it and the fact that you chose to go down an entirely different route to what I would have expected. Nice work!

I'm here as a judge for the Magazine contest!

Wow, that took a very unexpected turn. This was a really interesting piece to read. It was a unique take on an "awakening" and I loved reading it.

I really liked how started this out as a cute, romantic type story. I was expecting the classic 'fall in love' spring awakening plot line, which is fine, but then it went in such a crazy downward spiral and I had no idea how we ended up there. You did it in such a great, subtle way that I didn't even notice what was happening until everything was already happening and I was just like how did this happen. I didn't realize until after that the character sounded sort of creepy the whole time, but it was overshadowed by how much I was focusing on the romance part.

I also really loved your descriptions throughout the story. It was overbearing, but there was enough to get me immersed in the story (obviously) and I really appreciated that.

Great job and thanks for entering!

@ isak valtersen
Hi!
Thank you so much for your comment!
I was indeed going for the "oh what a cute romance.... oh" approach lol. I'm happy I was able to convey the feelings I wanted to convey. English is not my first language, not second for that matter, so I'm always somewhat afraid my writing won't fully convey the ideas I want it to.
Oh and you're right, thanks for pointing it out! I usually type out stories on my phone and when editing, there's always little things that slip through. I will change it!
Again, thank you so much for your comment :)

This was a really interesting piece. I was expecting a cute coffee shop romance when I started reading this, so the gradual progression of the twist was very surprising and actually well-done because I was incredibly disturbed.

I really enjoyed your prose and the way you chose to use it to create the vibe this story had. As I said, I expected one thing and your writing style played into that, and then I was handed something entirely different—which, once I finished it, I realized that your prose also changed. There was a creepy, possessive narrative tone to the entire thing that I totally missed in the beginning because I was so latched onto the idea of some cute romance. I really appreciated these tiny details because although I didn't realize it at the time, it was adding more power to the punch. So you have such a great technique that easily manipulated me as a reader. There was also a certain poetry to the entire thing that kept me entranced until the very end. Like your beginning: Days would come and go at their own languid pace and soon, April settled in as unnoticed as always. The warmer breezes and longer days were a nice change of pace from the melancholy of winter but, for the most part, spring had never been that eventful for me. — This was such a great start because there's a poetry and depth to this alone. It caught my attention and it kept me to the very end because you balanced blunt, sharp deliveries and a purple prose. Like the entire last paragraph was horrific and creepy, but it was also poetic. I think this also was manipulative and well-done.

There were a couple of things that I would fix, but it's all technicality things.

"Are you always this invasive," he questioned, hiding behind his cup of bitter Americano. — His dialogue should have been ended with a question mark.

He had a very light, almost feather-like
Touch and his lips were just as gentle. — I'm not sure what happened here, but maybe you broke the block of text in the wrong area? I've accidentally done this and didn't catch it until way later, so I don't want it to seem like I'm nitpicking but it was like hitting the brakes all the sudden in the flow. You kept such a mesmerizing flow all the way leading up to this and even after it, so this stuck out like a sore thumb, honestly.

All in all, I think this was a very interesting and well-done piece! I appreciated the twist, the manipulation of the narrative and the reader's feelings, and your writing style. Very nice!