Stay - Comments

I'm here judging for Keep the Music Short and Sweet.

Making the chapters all dialogue was an interesting choice, especially because of the nature of the plot. I think you succeeded in showing the drama and the relationship between the characters, but I think it also stopped you from really diving into what was happening with the characters. We got the basics of what was happening, but because we had to rely on just what the characters were saying, we missed out the reasoning or the emotion behind it and I think that took out a vital part of the story. I didn't really feel much of an attachment to or emotion from the characters which didn't get me super excited for what was to come.

If you do continue this story, I would suggest adding in a chapter with some back story or a description driven chapter to help create that attachment and emotion. Or find a way to add more emotion into the dialogue so it doesn't feel quite as rigid.

I'm also not entirely sure how this relates to the song. Maybe it just hasn't gotten far enough along, but as it sits now, it doesn't feel to quite fit with the song to me.

I do think there's a lot of potential here, so I wish you luck in writing the rest. Thanks for entering!

layout
dark and wonderful!

plot
talk about drama! hahah. it's nice that you've chosen to include dialogue only because that adds so much impact to the conversation. however, i wished you had slipped in perhaps another chapter with some descriptions and further explanations of events.

characters
the lack of what was mentioned above distances myself from the characters since there isn't much relatable about them besides betrayal. you're such an excellent writer that i truly wished you continued this story! i would've loved to keep up with it and find out more about the characters and their experiences.

overall
this was short, sweet and impactful. congratulations!

You have this amazing talent for writing snippets that really pack a punch, don't you? \(★ω★)/

Holy cow! This story is incredible! I love the drama you built up in this story. I love how shot the chapters are because it's easy for me to concentrate on what you are trying to tell in your story.

“You slept with my sister. Why would you even do that?”

I was immediately like "OHHH SH*T!!!" when I read that in chapter two. I love how sh*t hit the fan so quickly in this story. I am craving for more. I need more!
Right now I hate the guy, and think the girl should just leave him and not give himself a chance to explain.

Hooked atm, looking forward to more!

I like this, it's short and to the point, but you can feel the emotions as you read the dialogue.

Good job!

oh shit! That sounds like some deep trouble! I love how you're going with the guy admitting his mistake and gracefully accepting (to some extent) his own punishment. In most other stories I read about someone cheating on another person, it's usually the mistress or someone close to the couple who finds out the guy is cheating and the guy just shrugs it off and disregards the girl's feelings. I can't wait to see how the woman reacts.

Great job! <3