The Desperation of Dying - Comments

Right off the bat, this story reminds me of something similar to the TV show The 100. I am very intrigued by the people of this story and the way you have them characterized. They feel very realistic to me and seem very well rounded. Your description is quite excellent as well, and I find myself very excited to delve further into this story once there are more chapters posted.

i'm already super invested in this. i'm instantly thrown into a grim atmosphere, things are tense and i'm already sensing that there's gonna be some conflict between just this little (well, it's twenty of them or so, so not really little but little?) group alone.

i want to encourage them to fight for their freedom and make a stand to try and push forth some sort of change, but the way others are talking, it doesn't necessarily sound like the best of ideas. however, just because the odds are stacked against you doesn't mean you should automatically back down, and i'm actually kinda hoping they go through with this rebellion and do something great.

another thing, i love the world that i'm being enveloped into. your detail and the way you manage to keep it easy for readers to follow without pulling me out of the moment is both wonderfully done and greatly appreciated.

oh nooo no no. the dread that had been kinda dormant while reading through the first half has just sprouted up and i'm not ready. the demand to fight against the little plea is chilling, and when i read the description of the fight my heart dropped. it's so harsh and sad and it's almost hard to make it through because they're just children and they're fighting so viciously, though i know it's pretty much what they have to do. that doesn't make it any better, though.

this was a fantastic read, i absolutely loved it. keep up the wonderful work, i'd love to see more!!

Immediately I'm excited to read this; this has been on my growing list of stories to read!

As I read the chapter, I am getting the mood and setting that reminds me of that scene in Game of Thrones when the slaves in Meereen are discussing whether or not to fight for their freedom. What I can get from this chapter also reminds me of the children in Hunger Games also, where children are forced to fight to death and such.

Both this story and The Trajectory of Planes does a great job enveloping the readers into the world that you guys created. They both have their own language, the culture and different people. Like when you mention this Magi Nakome, and the foreign vocabulary in here.
Even the names add to the scheme that this is a completely different world.
Your detailing definitely painted a picture for the readers so they don't have to try too hard to envision what is happening. This is both challenging and impressive since this is a world you guys created. Your writing made it very easy to picture this harsh and cruel setting your characters are forced to be in.

This was very well written. I enjoyed this very much. Thanks for sharing!

The opening paragraph is so good. It's just so visual and I can really see all of them huddled together, trying to be quiet. And you already know how much I adore the last sentence in the first paragraph; it really tells us about them without giving too much away. Up until that point, we had no idea that they weren't human. It's so good.

At "Magi Nakome," I want to scream, because it's so exciting seeing how they're hanging onto legends that they don't even know if they really believe in.

The paragraph about the guards watching and Sisu watching really sets the scene for the horror of what's going on and the absurdity of it all. And it also explains a lot about the world and the faction camps that they're living in.

I love: The oldest boy, the Lusbei with purple leaves threaded throughout his hair proclamating exactly what tribe he was born to, catches a girl by her own leaf ridden hair... I didn't catch that the girl also has leaves when I first read this. I don't know how I missed it, but it's really cool to see two Lusbei attacking each other.

And the last part about how Sisu killed the "leader" / the strongest really sets up the rest of the story. Now everyone is going to take notice of Sisu and it'll be harder for him to sneak around and plot to break free. Also, I bet people are going to start gravitating to him now.

Can't wait for more.