Into the Dust - Comments

Really like the summary, it's short, to the point and sets up the idea of the drabble really well. If I were to be nitpicky I'd say the shadow on the layout is a little distracting because it's so dark compared to the layout, but obviously you didn't make it so... Otherwise, I like the summary.

One of One

She remember the time she had - remember should be remembered, since it's past tense

The first paragraph is a good set up, it outlines the idea of the drabble well and lays out the emotion of the character, her thoughts and feelings on the situation. I think it could stand to be a little more detailed, maybe cut out a few sentences to make it more in depth about her emotions. Since it does evoke some emotions, but I feel like it could evoke them a little better with more detail and depth - that way a reader would really be able to connect with the character rather than just sympathise somewhat.

I think the concept of the drabble was pretty good, but it read like the introduction to an even bigger story. It did have a really good message, that you should be happy by yourself and for yourself, instead of being happy as a result of other people around you or depending on them for your happiness. I did really that moral, and at the end you can clearly see that the character is devoted to being a stronger, more rounded person.

I just wanted to point out that there's a continuity error - at the start you say it's been weeks since her boyfriend left her, but in the drabble it's only a matter of a day / a few days. Unless I've misunderstood

Overall

Overall I thought this was a pretty good piece. I think it could do with a little editing here and there, I would have liked a bit more detail but I suppose that's personal preference. I really liked that you had the inspirational morals towards the end and that they felt real. I also think this read like the start of a chaptered story instead of a complete drabble, but that obviously might have just been me. Overall, a good drabble.

The first paragraph of this story utterly breaks my heart. You know that she would have loved to have been able to depend on a man but with the first man breaking her heart, leaving her like a total loser for her little sister (who even does that!? Her little sister is such a little skank for betraying her sister in that way!)

I’m glad that she leaves town and cuts her sister and now ex out of her life. She’s worth so much more than that man and her skank sister because she’s a total slut who deserves a good bloody slap.

I’m so proud of Hailey at the end of this, for leaving town and starting a fresh without having to see her sister and ex flaunting their relationship.

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I love how bittersweet this piece is. You could have written the ex and sister as the ultimate villains but you didn’t. I mean, I hate them but I’ve been through a similar thing in my past.

This piece is wonderfully written and so beautiful. Girl, I just want to live in this and adore it forever and ever. Congratulations on such a wonderful piece, you should be really proud of yourself.

The first paragraph packs quite the punch on the emotions, and I think you did a great job with it! The fact that this guy left her for her younger sister is shit and I hope he gets what's coming to him.

God, and he didn't just leave her, he actually cheated on her? God, what a loser! And what a double whammy that her sister was involved as well!

I admire Hailey for being so strong, though it must have been hard to uproot her entire life and go somewhere else. I admire her for that, too. For just being able to get up and go.

I think you did beautifully for this, tbh! You captured so much emotion in just a short little piece and I really love how you did that. Hailey is super strong and I loved seeing her thought process through this. Great job!

What I really enjoy about your pieces is that they are short, but are extremely powerful. I felt such growth and strength from the main character in this. I'm glad she is putting herself forth. I am happy you are putting yourself forth Britt(because I know you wrote this from your heart). Stay strong!

I kind of liked how this was a drabble, but something want me to read more about this girl. She is starting over in a brand new town, would make a great story.