Thank You for Showing Me the Light - Comments

@ Nereid
Well, so far, you are good :)

@ ChocolateGal94
I used to do that when I first joined Mibba, so I completely understand :) I'm glad I can help out :)

@ Nereid
Thanks so much! I know I have some mistakes because I do it from my iPad, the autocheck always has to instantly do it and that can be annoying plus, I was really tired the other night. At nights when I can't sleep, I'll write whenever the ideas come up and I can't sleep until around 4 and 5 in the morning.

@ ChocolateGal94
No problem! Thank you for your comment on my story as well, by the way :) <3

@ Nereid
Cool thanks girl!

Hey, I've finished beta-reading your third chapter! Here's the editing that I think needs to be done :)

---

Quote

Seeing a table nearby with a group of other teenagers, Clark soon smiled and waved as much as he could hoping to get their attention as well as having a large grin on his face.

After "as he could" you need to add a comma, and you can remove the "as well as having a large grin on his face" since you already mentioned that Clark was smiling earlier in the sentence.

---

Quote

Said an overweighted boy who looked no older than 15 wearing clothes that was just right for the cool weather consisting of a white shirt that was underneath a two dual blue colored fleece jacket and black pants with black Nike sneakers.

"overweighted" should be overweight and the ages don't really need to be mentioned. Even though the story is in the third person narrative, it is still from the perspective of Quentin and so it’s unlikely he’d know their exact ages. It would be best to say “teenage” if you wanted to give the audience an approximate age of the characters. The sentence is also a bit too long. It could be broken down into multiple shorter sentence in order to give the story a better tempo. Mixing up sentence length makes the story more engaging.

---

Quote

He asked another teeanged male who looked to be 17 having bronze colored hair and electric blue eyes. He then put down his biology book explaining...

The "He" is a bit confusing since you have multiple male characters. I'm not entirely sure who is saying this. Is it Clark, the overweight boy, or this new character you've introduced with the bronze hair?

---

Quote

"This is Quentin Doxin, I helped him when John and thise dumb jocks were harrassing him in the hallways before class started."

Small spelling mistake. It should be "these" and "harassing".

---

Quote

causing the Doxin individual to shrink even more.

This aspect of the sentence is a little woolly. It could be worded better to make the sentence easier to read. I'd recommend saying something like "causing Doxin to shrink away more."

---

Quote

and these three are known as the Triplicate girls due to them being triplets themselves."

I think you could maybe remove "due to them being triplets themselves", since being called the Triplicate girls already heavily suggests that. However, I do think this is personal preference :)

---

Quote

Garth waved giving Quentin the chance to let out a small smile in return.

There needs to be a comma after "giving".

---

Hope I helped <3 You have a lot of potential here and it's mainly issues with grammar and sentence structure, but these things come with practise. You're writing a lot which is really good and you'll quickly pick up on these little things :)