Until Further Notice - Comments

@ dreaddeer
Hi there, yeah I would make the description of the desperation longer. The fact the main character got struck was nice. It came out of nowhere which was a nice suprise. Maybe focus on her emotions more as the chaos unfolds around her.

@ Rockymetreparry
Wow, thank you so much I honestly didn't know anyone still used this website! Could you tell me more about how you think I could expand upon the desperation? I was honestly trying to wrap the chapter up because I thought it was getting lengthy. Should I add more description of the chaos right before she gets knocked?

I like the descriptions of the characters and the included background information making the main character more rounded and 3-D. I'm intrigued to know how the plot is going to develop and like the sense of panic at the end. I feel this could be expanded upon however to give a true sense of the desperation of humanity in such a situation. Overall I enjoyed what I read and will look forward to forthcoming chapters. Well done.