When It All Goes Wrong Again - Comments

PLEASE UPDATE PLEASE

chapter 14- loved it. A LOT. i like how you left it at the end. youve got me itching to read the next one already (:
look forward to it!

yess! an update! (: loved chapter 13. write more when you get the chance! please!! <3

I think this was one of the best chapters you've written, by far. I could almost see the EXACT club you were talking about when describing new york. how it would feel for a little girl to be surrounded by these artsy gurus... its like you were in my head!

but seriously, you write tension so naturally and realistically, it kinda drives me nuts. good nuts though! like chocolate covered almonds. mmmm.

*JUMPS AND GIVES YOU GIANT HUG*

I don't know whether to be more excited that you updated or that someone besides me uses the word eclectic. It's an awesome word and it has three c's in it and two e's, which are pretty well c's with an added kick. To me that makes an awesome word.

So moving on from my word obsession (oh just an fyi: obsessed is an amazing word to type, go ahead, try it, it's so much fun!) I loved it! But I think I always say that, so... I didn't love it, I... am overly infatuated with the words you have decided to use as well as their specific arrangement. Okay that's just stupid sounding. I loved it.

Since you mentioned that you're being subtle in this one I take that as a challenge to point out a few of the subtleties that I can think of at the moment since my memory is ehhh so-so at best. I'll probably remember more the instant that I hit send but quite frankly I'm too lazy to edit my post so, whatever.

ALRIGHT!

So I'll start with something that isn't subtle at all. I love the character of Roni. Your description of how she listens to music is as close as anyone has ever understood what I'm like when I listen to music. Some say music is a way of life or their religion or whatever else cliche bullshit they can think of to make them seem "cool" or "hip" or "patella" or whatever. Okay the last one is a knee cap but let's move along. Anyways to me music is a drug. It completely changes my state of mind. I listen to every instrument separately with different parts of my brain all at once and it sort of brings forth a zen moment that lasts as long as the music does if that makes any sense. I wouldn't bring my weird music brain up were it not for this: "she looked at me sadly and went into a lecture about how music didn’t have to be good to be beautiful." That's probably the most amazing line ever written. Music isn't about perfected and memorized notes, that's a speech made through an instrument. You can read anyone's speech. Music is about capturing emotion.
You mentioned tapes. I love tapes! But my mom has all my tapes so I'll never see them again. C'est la vie.
I hate orange juice pulp. It had to be said. It was created to further destroy the lives of those who visit orthodontists.

Alright now on to the actual subtlety before I get distracted again, or more, whatever.

Her guilt. The fact that it's there is not so subtle, especially since, you know, Pete used the word "guilty". But perhaps the fact that it's linked to something that she did that caused he to leave home and her family behind? She's from a small town where if you mess up once, everyone knows. She said way back when that it was good to not be somewhere where everybody knows your name (oh god now I'm singing). So I take that as she did something that she deeply regrets and seeing as how the whole town knows she likes to be where she can walk around with out the judgmental stares. But she feels ridiculously bad for leaving her sister behind. And now that you mentioned that her sister was sick as a baby I'm set to ponder on how that plays in. Is she still sick? Is she fine now? Could the sick as a baby thing be what makes AJ so protective and cautious of her or is that just from not being used to the fact that her little sister is grown up now? And she seems petrified of the fact that Pete seems to know that something happened that she's hiding from everyone. It's like no one is allowed to know what she's hiding from. And cooking or kitchens or cooking for people in kitchens is somehow involved.
Money. Way way way at the beginning when Pete was thinking and we were AJ watching it was noted that her car was a piece of junk even though he knew she made a good living. Now she's never gone to Disneyland in two years because it's a lot of money. What's she doing with all her money?

Oh hell I ramble too much. Keep up the good work, this is still my favourite story on mibba. Gold star for sure. Oh and it's fine to not have humour in it, forced humour is terrible. It's about as funny as a chain smoking clown making balloon animals. But a lot less scary.
Oh and a chapter from Pete's point of view would be delightful! I'd love to hear how much of her subtlety he's picked up and is confused about! Since it's Pete I'd say a lot to all of it. He tends to be magical like that.

I apologize for my ranting.

i would love to read a chapter from pete's point of view! this chapter was epic as usual and i can NOT wait for next installment!

=]

update

that was awesome as usual. yes you should so put the next one in pete's pov :)

I loved it!! yes the next one should be in Pete's point of view

yay!
this was greatness! and the BFG is fantastic. :D
you should update soon pretty please :D

Meoooow I love it. Love love love...i think i love real life that kinda really is crazy unrealistic but just because its rockstars doesnt mean they cant be fantastically awesome too and i cant get over how SHY AJ is around Pete, even if you dont really mean it or see it but she is! she is!
anyway. i'll shut my mouth. I'm just so happy to be reading this :)

YOU FINALY UPDATED!!! :)
The BFG was totaly ine of my most favorist(isthataword?)books back in like 2nd or 3rd grade.
Patricks usualy the first to day on FOBtrail for me :(

gah when are they going to get together

I've tried to come up with a well thought out, meaningful, intelligent comment to express my feelings of the latest chapter of your story instead of rambling.

This is all I've got: [squeal]*explodes*[/squeal]

So now that that's over... I loved it! I loved all of it! I loved... it! Words... failing... thoughts... confused... I love how you pulled it all together with the cooking, that was really well done. And I always killed Joe first, no clue how. Then I decided to focus on keeping him alive and I beat it! With only Joe, Pete killed himself with a flat iron, couldn't stop laughing.

Oh and the BFG was my favourite Rohl Dahl, didn't exactly read all or even many of his books but there's something about that one that just stuck and I still count as one of my favourite books.

I'm probably forgetting to mention something so just go read it yourself and after every sentence say "Angela loved that" and you'll get the picture.

Hmm. So I'm guessing the next chapter will be out in December or November?

And what is Fall Out Boy Trail?

AHHHHHHHHHHH! i loved it. it was sooooo funny.
it is true too Joe was always the first to die on me no matter what i did in that damn game.
please don't take as long on the next chapter!

AWWWWWWW! I loved it you should update more often

i've forgotten how much i love this story.
you really really really need to update this chica.

Where is the looovee?
I miss these two. Their life story deserves continuing... ;-)
love you like crazysauce.

there isn't enough good pete stories out there.
and i love this one (: