This is more than a crush crush crush - Comments

I know you haven't written about this story in a while but I think you should finish it, it would be a great story if you did.Feel free to message me!

that was amazing and you have plenty of love from me so please update.and you spelled bus wrong.

update please!

i'll give you as much love as you want just please update! sersiously i hate it when i see people barely comment. the writers deserve a lot of love like you said, so why read their stories and then just leave. ugh. well heres your love! I LOVE IT! awww i jsut love that william got himself a little girlie cause i have a fetish for him, but boo-hoo(you stink, just playing haha) for chizzie. awww, but i really can't wait for an update! love it again just want to say!

tee hee hee ooh i so love this! you have to update so much more!

tee hee hee ooh i so love this! you have to update so much more!

tee hee hee ooh i so love this! you have to update so much more!

tee hee hee ooh i so love this! you have to update so much more!

OMG Girly thats pretty darn cool. I think your doing a great job and that you should keep writing. You do an amazing job! I love reading your stories. Oh and your plot i read the comment above and it may be like just the rest of the plots here on mibba but it is a wonderful plot and i think its a great way to start off a story.

Shel~ You know u luv me!

:)

OMG Girly thats pretty darn cool. I think your doing a great job and that you should keep writing. You do an amazing job! I love reading your stories. Oh and your plot i read the comment above and it may be like just the rest of the plots here on mibba but it is a wonderful plot and i think its a great way to start off a story.

Shel~ You know u luv me!

:)

OMG Girly thats pretty darn cool. I think your doing a great job and that you should keep writing. You do an amazing job! I love reading your stories. Oh and your plot i read the comment above and it may be like just the rest of the plots here on mibba but it is a wonderful plot and i think its a great way to start off a story.

Shel~ You know u luv me!

:)

thanks so much! im glad you helped me.

Okay, let's see. The title should be capitalized, first of all. You spelled the last "crush" wrong. Other than that, the only grammar mistakes I saw were your tags at the end of the dialogue. If you're going to put, "said [insertname]" then you shouldn't use a period at the end of the dialogue. Here's an example:

"I tried to call you, but you wouldn't pick up," said John.
"Yeah, well, you know me. I always have my phone off." Jane picked at her fingernails.

If it's a statement, then that's when you use a period.

If you're going to insert a flashback, avoid putting "FLASHBACK" right above the scene. It's unattractive, along with switching points of view multiple times, like in chapter two. The way I have always switched a point of view when needed is having a whole complete chapter dedicated to that other character's point of view. You can notify readers that it's another character at the end of the chapter if you didn't make it obvious.

Um, some other things I didn't like about the story:

The plot is very cliche. If you look around Mibba, it's basically full of "we've been friends for ten years and I'm in love with him" and slash.
The pictures in the summary are unnecessary. You should be able to describe the characters without dumping it on your readers (you know, when there's a whole paragraph describing how the characters look). It's the same thing with their outfits. If it's not necessary, then don't put it in the story. You could simply say the item, but you don't have to describe the tee shirt, or the jeans.

I think I covered everything. I'm sorry if I came off as harsh, and I hope I helped you. =)