This has very good potential. You did a great good in the first chapter with the first paragraph. The way you described things is great. But sadly I don't do hetero fics. :( But this like I said has great potential so you better not stop writing it. : D
I like where this is going, the only advice I have no is to watch for grammer. Like...go back and see where the quotations are put. It's really hard to see what is being said verses the actions. Keep it up!
I have to say, this is much better than the one before. I love the idea, and how you described things. But you still need to slow things down a bit. The fire just hit me, I didn't know what happened.
Go inside the thoughts of the man, and tell exactly what he thinks. It would be really cool if you included a flashback at the very beginning. Maybe of how they met or a conversaton they had?