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Grey - Comments

  • fool's paradise

    fool's paradise (1000)

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    The way you write is kind of monotonous.
    "This happened...then this happened...then she did this..."
    You need to develop variety.
    August 22nd, 2008 at 06:27am
  • xFallenxAngelx

    xFallenxAngelx (250)

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    This is very well written. Awesome job!
    August 19th, 2008 at 11:16pm
  • Anhtosh

    Anhtosh (100)

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    This is good
    August 7th, 2008 at 03:38am
  • vanete.

    vanete. (350)

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    You have a very interesting concept. Quite honestly, I can almost never find any other Original Fiction except for the stuff me and my friends write. And now I finally found some.

    I've only read chapter one so far, but it took a lot of motivation to continue to read it. For one, it's obscenely long, which isn't necessarily a bad thing, but it just wasn't helping my cause. And for two, the paragraphs weren't spaced with double spacing, I believe it's called? Where there is a line of space between each paragraph. It made it a tad bit more difficult to read, because since you didn't do this, my eyes originally registered it as one huge paragraph and even though I knew it wasn't, that's how I kept seeing it as.

    But, I did like it. It's interesting, and I like the concept. The first chapter leaves me with a quite a few questions, which I like to have. Good job. :cute:
    August 1st, 2008 at 06:38pm
  • Flynn Rider

    Flynn Rider (300)

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    i must say, i'm only on chapter one, though, i do assure you i'll read the rest.
    they're surprisingly long (longer than the chapters i write or seen), but i'll
    commit myself tomorrow saturday to read them all and give you a full scale feedback.
    i like chapter one, wonderful really.
    August 1st, 2008 at 05:18pm
  • theoldavrilrocks

    theoldavrilrocks (100)

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    Awesome =) loved the story.. great plot and very unique ideas, can't wait to read the other chapters
    July 31st, 2008 at 07:30pm
  • LostandForgotten

    LostandForgotten (1750)

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    Yay! Thank you. More chapters coming soon!
    July 30th, 2008 at 06:02pm
  • head full of words

    head full of words (100)

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    I really like this, it's a lot different than all the other stories on here and i'm excited to see where the plot goes!! :mrgreen:
    July 30th, 2008 at 03:56am
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