Ch. 15, 18, 19 and some others had some pronoun confusion. Since the writing was in first person point of view, which you wrote somewhat decently, it should not have "you" thrown in randomly- I'm not sure how old you are, but if you're over 14, you should be able to write "I'' consistently. I'll be going onto the sequel now- the French translations were accurate from what I could see.
September 29th, 2010 at 06:00am
I liked it *suscribes* can't wait for the next. ^_^