Momma, I Just Killed a Man - Comments

hey this seems like a pretty good story.
if you want, i can edit the chapters for you before you post them.

thanks ive used that threat numerus times also the old stop or ill kill you with a rusty spork lol i thinkl that might be in the next one

Hehehe Cute I try not to use that threat though still it pops up but I have to refrain from saying my thoughts lol any way awesome Its funny XD

hi hi i finally found u! ^^ took me awhile
Sorry but I didn't 'actually' read your story,But it sounded good I read only the first half of the first paragraph then I was like -_- Booooring and confused who was there?How many was there? where are they all?! what the hell is going on?!?! Yeah and I don't really read these things any so sorry ^^' add me though please <3

thanks ill try and take it all into account ill try re editing it agean adding in more detail and fixing the dialog im trying to find somone who will help edit it but am having no luck

thanks for the complimentits much apprechiated ^_^

punkette22 has good advice.
After all that, try being a little more detailed. You said that Stix and the Joker murdered doctors and caused havoc and left. Sorry, but kind of boring. Try writing detail on what exactly they did. Like...did they shoot them, did they bomb them, did they gut them with knives, what? Be detailed and draw the reader in.
Also, whenever you have dialogue, add "he/she said," "he/she asked," "he/she explained," etc, etc. Having just the sentence said is kind of blunt and gets old after a while.
Perhaps you can find someone that can edit this for you, someone who knows English better, since you said you aren't very good with English. Ask them if they could add word placements, detail, and punctuation. All that jazz.

But it is a good story with a nice plot; better than all these Joker stories where the girl is a kidnapped damsel in distress with a cliche horrific background.
Keep writing and keep trying to improve ^_^

thanks for the sugestions ill try and fix that as soon as posible

I love your story!
But I just wish you could but some spaces between the sentences because it is a little hard to read.
I also suggest using spell check, because there TONS of spelling mistakes.
I also read that you are not that good with English, so I suggest you try a translator. You can just search on Google, type "English Translator", and just pick the link that works the best for you.
I also think you should use some punctuation. It was a little hard to read
Keep on writing!
=D

critisisum is apreshiated anything you thik i can improve on let me no ok