The Secret Girl - Comments

EX-BOY

Firstly, when I review or even just comment at all, I think about the beginning. I know that beginning and endings are one of the hardest part of a story to write (to me. :XD) and I liked the way you started yours. Props for that.

“I miss you all the time.” And when you emphasized that she missed him all the time intrigued me and what she said next did too. She really shows how much she misses him and you showed that perfectly.

By the way, I like how you refer to the characters as 'Secret Girl' and 'Ex Boy' and such. I guess by doing that people could relate easier. Good job. :cute:

The way you described her crying if very good. I can see her crying in my mind, I seriously can. It was almost heart breaking.

SILLY BOY

I like the Secret Girl character. She really is heart broken, and I can see that. You display that very well, now I know what you mean when it's based on what happened to you. You can't really write like this if you haven't felt it. A very good display of emotions. :arms:

And I just noticed how you write this in present tense, and I don't think a lot of writers can write a good present tense story without completely ruining. So far so good.

So, Silly Boy is the best friend? :think: I think that's how it is, right? :shifty

I like the relationship you've created between the two. Obviously they are best friends. :roll: 'Cause that's how best friends are, and I can see that. I like your writing style, by the way. :cute:

And I'm really sorry that I have to cut this review short. :shifty I'm being forced to sleep for school tomorrow. :XD I'll continue with Pretty Boy as soon as I get to the computer.

this is wonderful, really, i'd review it and pick out best lines but i don't have the time to do it justice

but i couldn't leave it be without saying. just wow. well done

and the last lines a killer ;)

gorgeous writing.