Improper Tense - Comments

Hi Hi...
I read this chapter, I'll give you pros and cons,
Seeing as every writer wants to know what they can do and if people like it,
and what they're going right... :]]

The Con's:
It was like a big monologue,
Although the first chapter is very discriptive,
I can see people being intimidated by the longness of the first chapter with nothing but the man talking about an essay due...
It would be boring because it's just him with no one else...
But again it's the first chapter,
and people should be able to know that...

The Pro's:
The chapters are VERY NICELY seperated if I must say so myself,
It was long as I said up there but with the way you seperated them,
It made it much easier to read and frankly it didn't strain my eyes.
This story has VERY GOOD potential,
I can already sense how it might be directing,
Though the plot isn't clear right now,
Which is a good confusing feeling for me... ^_^

I can't wait for you to update...
I love that it's in first person,
and how you described the guy...
Only question I have is he in college or highschool?
Other than that,
It's very good.
And no I'm not sugar coating anything... ^_^
If you update more,
You'll get more readers,
If you have a short description when someone see's your story,
It'll draw them in...
If you have a summary that's really good,
It'll want them to read more about it.... ^_^
That's my deliberation... :]

My dear, you are such a close friend that if I threw up on a canvas and called it art you'd like it.

*Stares*

Sweet Jesus.

That's scary good. That's so scary good, I'm still reeling from the scary goodness of it.

I would say something more intelligent, but frankly you just turned my brain to mush.