Reaching for the Sky - Comments

This was beautiful. I really liked it. I teared up a bit.

I love this.
I really, really do.
:]

This is amazing to say the least. I love you for writing this. By far one of the best stories I have and probably will ever read. The emotion, the way you captured Freddie was outstanding. I look forward to reading more from you.

This is seriously good.

Your use of language is great--very blunt, not too flowery, which would have been a mistake. The line "He was paler than yesterday, which was paler than the day before, and the day before that, too" was almost poetry.

The characters were well-developed too--I felt as though I was well acquainted with them, which is quite a feat, really, in 1411 words..

It was great, and I'm so glad you didn't just cutesy it up with a lot of sentimental crap.
Thank you for whoring this--gave me a chance to see just how good you are!

:cute:

This was beautiful. Very well written.

I very rarely step outside the realms of slash (or Frerard for that matter) but the fandom (if you can call it that) interested me, and the idea of you writing your own version of the lead up to his death made me want to read it. Just sitting here, thinking, it came to me that it kind of reminds me of the movie Last Days, which was a fictional look at the lead up to Kurt Cobain’s death. Both are legends. And though I didn’t know who Mary of Jim were, not being all that up to speed on Queen’s history, it didn’t matter because the narration and dialogue spoke for itself.

I liked the quote you put at the beginning, it’s almost ironic in a way. But it gives a sense of how dedicated the band was to their music.

The way you described the weather; bleak, it suited the atmosphere of the story and how Freddie’s health was deteriorating. And I liked the comparisons between the outside and the inside. It gave a really dismal touch to the surroundings.

I loved Freddie’s characterization. Even though he had ill health, he still had a spark, some fight still within him. He really came across as wanting to be self-sufficient, not wanting anyone to treat him any differently or tell him what to do or wait on him. The dialogue was really indicative of that.

"I don't need to do shit, Jim. I'll chose who I call, and I'll make my own fucking tea."

He comes across as stubborn, but still in a likable way.

He wouldn't admit defeat though -oh no. "I want to make a statement," he said after another few moments, back to staring out the window, his eyes fishing out the patch of blue in the sea of gray and black.

I adored the description at the end of this sentence. It was optimistic, him finding the good in the world at that moment, even though it was miserable outside and even though he knew he was dying. As if, he wanted to go out with a bang. And the phrase I want to make a statement is kind of like Queen’s music in a way. Maybe I’m just babbling here, but it’s elaborate and grand and I think songs such as We Are the Champions could be described with those words.

And the ending to that section was powerful, and wrapped it up nicely.
"I still don't want your fucking tea." It’s a simple sentence and in any other context probably wouldn’t pack much of a punch, but when the previous scene is taken into account, it works really well.

The little things you include in descriptions like Now the big fat elephant in the room deflated, I’m not certain whether that was meant from Freddie’s mind, and his way of describing it, but I like how quirky it was. And the bits about hating tea and liking ice-cream; it showed that he had a unique way of looking at things. The interview (or press conference?) worked well; the language was very proper and the type I’d imagine would be used in that situation.

He was paler than yesterday, which was paler than the day before, and the day before that, too. That was a really nicely worded sentence; it immediately gave a sense of how sick he looked, and was more hard-hitting than just saying ‘he looked pale.’

The dialogue works well in the last section too; how Freddie cuts off his sentences at the beginning shows rather than just tells how exhausted and sick he must be. And the way his death is described, Mary bit her lip as he faded away, right on front of her. was peaceful and made it less of a frightening thing. Mary’s reaction was believable and the fact that Jim had to carry her away was indicative of how deeply she cared for him. [I thought I should point out that there’s a typo in that sentence. :shifty]

And, before I finish, the title fits the story really well. It’s hopeful in a way, and almost like one of those phrases that people say when they’re talking about reaching their full potential and achieving their goals. Kinda ironic really. But Queen did achieve a lot throughout their career.

It was beautifully done. :arms:

Great story. :con:

It's really sad that he died so young. Loved this. :XD

"I still don't want your fucking tea."

I like that line, it kinda shows he's still defiant and wants to look after himself, and that he's stubborn. It made me smile a little.

He could tell all of the press -the forty or so that were there, that he liked ice-cream and hated tea, and let them be on their merry way.

I think that would be the kind of outrageous thing he would be thinking or be wanting to say.

I love how you've done this story, the characterization is perfect. It made me really upset because the feelings in there were so pure and real. I love it, it's written so well. And I love the quotes and the begining and end, they really fit well with the tone of the story.

I can't believe you haven't recieved a comment for this yet.
It's amazing.

Did he really die of AIDS?
I don't really know who he is -blush-

I love how you wrote this, like it wasn't in anyone particulars point of view.
It's a change =p