But (constructive critism coming up ;) ) I think you could put bigger spaces between the paragraphs, because i find it quite hard to read. Aaaand.. The bit where he talks to her, you could make it a bit more like OMG, and her heart stopping or something. Tug on my heart strings ;)
But yeah, it was reeeeeeeally good and well done (Y)
But (constructive critism coming up ;) )
I think you could put bigger spaces between the paragraphs, because i find it quite hard to read.
Aaaand..
The bit where he talks to her, you could make it a bit more like OMG, and her heart stopping or something. Tug on my heart strings ;)
But yeah, it was reeeeeeeally good and well done (Y)