Beyond The Road - Comments

The eye is lazy, that's a common fact, so please, try not to get your text all jumbled up in too big paragraphs, it makes the reader go all "ugh" and just go through it real quickly instead of looking for some interesting parts. Use smaller paragraphs.

Also, whenever you want to start a dialogue, or just someone thinking something to himself, please also start a new paragraph otherwise it just gets lost in the big jumble of words of the even bigger paragraph and so, people won't catch it unless they're really reading word by word.

Don't use capslock if a person is yelling, or screaming, you can just write like the rest of the story, capslock might pull attention but it doesn't fit.

Mind your spelling but otherwise, good job.

Oh hell yeah comment virginity lost!

This was amazing even as the edited version, the original and this one blew me away with their amazingness.