Come one come all

I wanted to go to work today, there was no show yesterday the day I came back and I did nothing in hospital so to say I was getting restless would be an understatement. No one thought it was wise but with Pete helping me I was sure I could cope. Some of the other crew members have been a little more supportive of me, I knew it was just sympathy but it was better than them ignoring me and I could do with the help right now. Maybe I could do with some mental help too because I was outside of the All Time Low bus knocking on the door. I had promised myself in hospital I would never purposely go and see Alex let alone go to talk to him but seeing him in that state last night made me rethink everything; I didn’t want him to be stupid because of what’s gone on. I smiled weakly when Rian opened the door; it was eleven am so I was hoping Alex was sober and awake.

“Hey is Alex awake?” I asked biting my lip, unsure of whether I was doing the right thing.
Rian looked a bit shocked at first but then smiled nodded and stepped aside so I could freely get on the bus. I replied a polite thank you and didn’t have to go very far to see him sitting there with a very sore head and very tired eyes, I felt very sympathetic towards him and told myself it was nothing more and sat down in front of him. He looked very shocked surprised yet happy to see me all at once, even though he was a mess he still smelt good, I missed his smell and loved to breathe it in whenever we embraced. I shook that image out of my thoughts and again had to remind myself I was purely here to help Alex, not to get back with him.

“Did the guys tell you I was here last night?” I didn’t know how else to start off, I looked at him trying so hard not to get pulled in by his handsome features.

“They did mention it earlier on, sorry you had to see me like that, how are you feeling?” Despite everything he still finds time to ask me how I am, I forgot he could be a true gentleman.

“You know I’m as well as can be expected. I’m worried about you though, there’s no need to keep getting yourself in to all sorts of states like you have been doing the past week or so.”

“There’s no need to worry about me, I can take care of myself.”

“Well you obviously can’t if you get wasted every night for no apparent reason.”

“Oh I have a reason!”

“What? Because you feel like it or because your losing control?”

“Because I feel guilty ok! I hurt you and I couldn’t bear the thought that I had put you in hospital. I couldn’t go and visit you because I couldn’t bear seeing you hooked up to all those machines looking battered and bruised knowing I was the one who put you there!” The emotion just poured out of his voice, I had no idea how bad he really seemed to feel.

“You weren’t the one driving the car hun you have no reason to feel guilty for putting me in hospital.”

“But I have reason to feel guilty for what I did and I really do Louisa, you have no idea how bad I feel and how sorry I am and I know that probably sounds like nothing to you but I truly am an...” he didn’t get to finish that sentence because I cut him off, with a kiss. People may call me stupid, others think he will just cheat on me again but I could see it in his eyes that he was truly sorry for what he did. Seeing him last night drunk and not knowing what he was doing made me realise he was feeling guilty enough as it is without me ignoring him making things worse. Seeing his woeful eyes today hit home he was sorry and full and regret and the way he has acted over the short time I had been here reminded me of what a genuinely sweet and caring person he is. He is only a human being and every human being makes mistakes, and everyone is entitled to a second chance. Alexander William Gaskarth is officially off the market again.