Never Want to Let You Go

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I was emotionally drained once the concert had ended and we found ourselves back in the living room of a new hotel room in a new city.

I was definitely ready to talk to Joe and get our stupid fight over with, but I couldn’t help but feel nervous as well. What if talking created a whole new argument?

“Joe, do you want to watch TV again tonight?” Chelsea asked. “That was fun last night.”

And she was getting on my last nerve. Especially since the only Jonas that she cared to hang out with happened to be my boyfriend.

“I would love to,” Joe began politely. “B-“

“You have got to be kidding me,” I snapped, completely cutting him off. “Have you learned anything over the past few days?”

He gave me a stern look. “If you would have let me finished,” he told me in frustration. “I was going to say that I would love to, but I already made plans with my girlfriend so I can’t hang out. Sorry Chelsea.”

“Oh,” I muttered, slightly embarrassed.

“I’ll see you later,” he told Chelsea before leading me out of the room and towards my own.

And let me tell you, he was not happy.

“What the hell was that, Katy?” He shouted once we were inside of my room.

“I don’t know,” I muttered. “I’m sorry, okay? That’s all you did yesterday. You’d make plans with me and then completely ditch them. How was I supposed to know that you weren’t going to do that again?”

“Of course I wouldn’t do that again. After the shit you pulled today, I’m never going to hang out with another friend again,” he told me angrily.

This is exactly what I was afraid of happening, shouting and yelling.

“All that I was doing today was showing you exactly what you did to me,” I stated passionately. “I wanted you to see how much it hurt. I know it wasn’t necessarily the best way to convey that, but at the time, it sounded great.”

“Well, you don’t have to worry about me doing it again,” he replied. “Because from now on I’ll spend twenty four seven with you, babe. How does that sound? Is that what you wanted? Me all to yourself?”

I tried to swallow back the tears. I was hurt that he would say that to me.

“Don’t try to turn all smart ass on me,” I told him before wiping away a few stray tears. “That’s the last thing I want. I would never ask you to abandon your friends and family to spend all your time with me. That is completely selfish and I’m not that type of person.

“Plus, I hate the couples who dedicate all their time to each other. It disgusts me to see people get so infatuated with each other they give up their family and friends to be with that other person. That is not what I want.

“What I want is for you to respect me and not blow our plans to hang out with a friend, especially when they show up completely unannounced. That hurt so badly.

“And then you kept doing it, promise after promise you broke. At first, I was okay with it. I understood that you got caught up in the excitement and wanted to hang out with a friend and I was willing to let that go, but then you kept doing it.

“And I’m scared that every time a friend shows up on tour, you’re going to do that,” I took a deep breath. “I want you to hang out with your friends, but maybe next time include me. Or divide your time between your friend and me. Just please don’t blow me off,” I finished quietly in exhaustion, the tears sliding down my face at a faster pace now.

He stood for a moment in thought, slightly at a loss for words. He took a deep breath before stepping towards me and pulling me into a hug.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered as I cried into his shoulder.

“I’m sorry, too,” I echoed.

“I didn’t even realize that I was hurting you,” he told me softly as he ran his hand up and down my back.

“I know,” I replied.

“But you have got to come and talk to me next time, Kate,” he leaned back and brought his hands up to hold my face, looking intently into my eyes. “We can’t play stupid revenge games; nothing will ever work out if we do that.”

I nodded my head in agreement.

“And I’m a guy, we’re not observant and we don’t think things through,” he added, causing a small smile to form on my lips at the truth of his statement. “Just talk to me next time.”

“Okay,” I whispered. “I’m sorry that I didn’t come and talk to you about it. I should have and I hate that I hurt you by not.”

“It’s okay,” he replied as his thumbs wiped away my last few tears. “This relationship stuff takes time and we just gotta work through it.”

I smiled before he wrapped his arms around me again, holding me tightly. “I am so sorry, though,” he whispered into my ear. “I promise I won’t do that again.”

“Thank you,” I muttered.

“You should probably get to bed, though,” he told me softly. “You look exhausted.”

“Okay mom,” I replied with a smile.

He chuckled before pulling my face into his; our lips finally back to where they belonged.

It was really nice kissing him at that moment, when everything in our lives was okay. Our fight had been resolved and we had each other. Things were looking better.