Because You Said Forever

“Hey,” Joe smiles widely and kisses me softly. I tremble, holding the note tightly in my hand. He leans backwards and looks at me questioningly. “What’s with the backpack?”

I gulp, looking him in the eye. “I’m leaving.”

“Leaving?” he raises an eyebrow, the energy in the room shifting from ease to awkward tension. “Leaving where?”

I gulp. “I’m leaving you.”

"Excuse me?"

"I'm leaving you," I repeat, not letting my voice waver.

Joe’s face hardens and in a swift motion he slams me against the wall of the narrow hallway. I hiss through my teeth when my back collides with the wall, but keep my face stoic.

“Leaving me?” he growls. “You don’t want to do that, Nick,” he snarls, his lips close to my ear. “You walk out that door, Nick, and you have no one. I won’t go after you, and no one else will take you in. You’ll be alone. Do you want that?” he whispers in my ear, his voice low. I swallow, not finding any words.

“It’d be better than getting abused.” I take a breath and say the words I’d been reciting in my head. “Look, Joe. I don’t even remember where we got off wrong. I remember it being fine in the beginning, and then you started doing all this crap. I don’t hate you, Joe. I think you’re still a good person, and you’re still my brother, but I don’t ever want to see you again. I want a truce between us.”

“A truce? No fucking way. You obviously don’t know anything about what love should be, Nicholas! How would you feel if I walked out on you? Huh? Would that make you happy? Nicholas!” He pushes me harder into the wall and wraps his hand around a chunk of my hair, pulling harshly. I shriek in response. He seethes out a breath, calming himself down. “Honestly, Nick? I can’t believe you’d even think about leaving the only person who’s ever really loved you. I’m trying to leave the past behind but you just can’t let it go!” he raises his voice to almost screaming, yanking my hair.

“You can’t just leave it behind! You cheated on me, more than once, you abuse me… it’s not worth it anymore.” I shake my head, though it pulls on the curls he’s holding onto. I wish I didn’t have to do this. As horrible as Joe treats me, he is still my brother and I love him as that and as a boyfriend.

“What do you want from me, Nick?! I haven’t seen anyone else for weeks. ”Do you expect me to never see anyone else again just because it hurts little Nickie’s feelings?” he emphasizes his mocking words with a forceful tug of my curls.

Tears well in my eyes that I refuse to let fall. I push his hand off me and he drops it to his side, not attempting to hold me back. I lower my voice. “I’m sorry, Joe,” I whisper solemnly, wishing I didn’t have to be doing this. I see the hurt that flashes in his eyes. “I’m sure you’ll find someone else.” Joe bites his lip and he squints his eyes slightly. “I guess you’ll truly never change. You haven’t changed in the past two years and you won’t any time soon. Do you have any idea how much you’ve hurt me?”

He’s let go of my hair by now, and nothing’s holding me back. “But Nick! I’m sorry! You have no idea how much I love you. I’m sorry I hurt you. Please don’t leave me,” he begs, touching one of my hands lamely. The begging in his voice sounds so strange coming from him that it’s hard to tell if he is acting or not.

“I’m sorry, Joe.” I turn to walk down the hallway, but he stops me and turns me around, catching my lips with his.

“You're not leaving!” he yells, shaking me. Okay, now I'll cry.

"You asshole! Stop! Just let me go!" I wrench away from him, but immediately regret saying that. Joe looks furious as he throws a punch that I manage to avoid from landing on my face, instead on my shoulder. He throws another one, square on the arm and I avoid the third one.

"There! are you happy now?" I shout. "You hurt me, okay? Are you happy?"

Joe stands still, glaring at me and hissing through his teeth. His hands are in fists by his side, trembling. I exhale deeply.

"Sorry, Joe, I'll see you around."

---------------------

I leave the apartment as fast as I can after slipping the note into Joe’s hand. Looking back just for a split second, Joe’s standing in the same spot, looking stunned.

I jump into my car, speeding away as fast as I legally can. I know where I’m going. Now that I’m free, speeding away from Joe, it’s like a huge weight’s been lifted and I’m no longer scared of anything. I slow down when I’m finally out of range of the complex.

I’m not sure if this is the best place to go – it’s the most obvious place ever, but it’s the only place I have right now. Breathing heavily, I look down at the piece of paper with an address I had recently copied off Joe’s phone. I drive anxiously through the neighborhoods until I come to the right one. Streetlamps are switching on as it’s starting to get dark outside and the freezing winter air bites my arms as I stop in front of a small orange house.

I blink my eyes at the glow of a lamp on the wall. Nervously and rubbing my arm with the cold, I shuffle up the front steps and knock on the door. One, twice. Three times, four times.

Nothing happens and I hug myself, a light breeze kicking up the leaves on the lawn. I sigh and shake my head; it was such a stupid idea anyway. I turn around and walk back down the steps.

The front door opens and I turn around quickly.

“Nick?”

I hurry up the steps and towards him, shivering. “Damien! I need a place to stay, just for tonight. I’ll explain everything in the morning, but I finally left Joe.” I stand on the middle step and plead with my eyes to let me stay and to save explanations for later.

He frowns sympathetically. “Oh, Nick, that’s great! Of course you can stay here.” He steps off the porch and hugs me proudly.

I breathe in deeply, walking into his warm house. “I’m sorry you’ve gone through all this.” He kisses his thumb and presses it to my cheek. “You’re always welcome here.” I nod and smile. Damien turns to me and pushes some hair off my forehead. “You know, I think you deserve a real boyfriend.” He leans up and kisses my forehead sweetly and I instantly melt. I smile gratefully at him as he fixes my hair. “You hungry at all?”

I shake my head, looking up the stairs. Even though it’s only the evening, I’m tired. “I think I’m just going to go to sleep.”

Damien follows me up the stairs, watching me as I lay down on the futon in the little room at the end of the hallway. He pulls a blanket out from underneath it and drops it over me. He kisses me on the cheek and it feels like my whole body is falling through the couch.

“In the morning, I want you to tell me everything. Night,” he says with a smile, and leaves the room.

Damien’s P.O.V

I sigh and rub the back of my head as I look at Nick lying on the couch motionlessly, promising myself that I’m going to show him what love really means.