Emilee

After school, Max drove me home. We went up to my room and talked for a bit, seeing as neither of us had homework we absolutely had to do. Sure, I coulda started my English essay on ‘Catcher In The Rye’, but I wasn’t in the mood. Max didn’t have a lot to say, so I took the opportunity to ask him about that strange song he’d written. He’d hesitated at first, but I begged. He told me the story behind it. I should’ve been worried, maybe even creeped out, but I sat and listened to the entire thing. Turns out he was infatuated with me before I even knew of his existence. He struggled for words at times, in particular when he was telling me of his backup plan to kill himself. Why had that worried me? We’d never turn bad. He’d never have reason to give up. At least now he should be happier about the idea of us. I mean, he knows I don’t mind changing, or suiciding as he’d put it. I want to be with Max forever.

“Max, you’re happy now, right?” I asked. I began to stress more and more with each second he left the question unanswered. “Max..?” He took one of my hands into his cold ones.

“I am. I’m the happiest I could ever imagine being,” he finally replied. Why did that take so long?

“If you could choose again, what would you do?” I asked. He averted his gaze from my direction and instead chose to look out the window.

“Emilee, I love you. But that’s a hard question to answer.” My grip tightened on his hand.

“Try?” I choked out.

“Well...things are different now. You’ve helped me realise that we can quite possibly stay together forever once you change. I guess I’d choose the same again and tell you the truth, but it all depends on what lies ahead I suppose.” My throat became tight.

“Do you have no faith in us?” I whispered. Max looked back over to my teary-eyed face and all of a sudden looked distressed.

“I didn’t mean to upset you, love.” He placed a hand on the side of my face. “I just mean that although I’d choose the same again, that means that if we were to turn bad, I’d be gone in a single blink of your pretty eyes. I can’t live without you and you can’t live either way. It seems a bit unfair. I’d kill myself without a second thought if it meant saving you. But I’m sure we’ll last...”

“Ohh really? Max you don’t sound too sure about that,” I said sadly, furiously wiping away each tear as it fell. “So if things turned bad you’d just give up?”

“Ronnie died for Anna.” He stared at me intently.

“That’s different,” I said. I was kinda shocked. “She was already one of you.”

“It’s not all that different,” he said softly. “If we broke up, I’d still die. Although he hurt her, he loved her to no end. I couldn’t believe it once she’d told me. She said she’d never forget him, that he’d live in her head forever. I never want you to forget me Emilee. I don’t care what it takes.”

“I’ll never have to forget you Max. You’ll be by my side forever.” He sighed.

“All I’m saying is what if? What if we were to turn bad? Is that not what you were asking? What would I do if we did? Well, that’s your answer. I’m sorry, but I can’t change it.” I couldn’t speak. I wasn’t sure if I was upset or angry. Both, maybe. I stood up and walked straight outta my room without a backwards glance. I’d given up wiping my face, the tears were too strong now. So Max was inclined on thinking we’d not last forever? He was planning to kill himself the instant that became apparent to him? He thinks that’d save me but ohh no, he thinks I’m happy to live in a world without him? Wrong. How could he think we’re not gonna last, when we’re both so in love? I didn’t understand. I didn’t understand anything. “Emilee? Where are you going?” I didn’t reply. I walked slowly down the hall, headed for the bathroom. That’d scare him. “Emilee...” I heard him get up, so I bolted the rest of the way. I got in and saw him running straight after me as I slammed the door shut and locked it. “Emilee! This isn’t funny!” he yelled through the door at me.

“You’re not the only one that has a plan B Max!” I yelled back. “If anything were to happen to us, or to you, then I’d not be able to survive in a world so cruel!” He didn’t reply for a few long seconds.

“Honey, I -” He paused. “I’m sorry. I don’t know why I haven’t seen it from your side before.” I slid down the back of the door. “I thought you’d be stronger...”

“If you’re so sure we’re not gonna last forever, then why am I trying? Each day is just masking the eventual pain,” I said quietly.

“I’m not sure of anything, that’s my point. I hope we’re together forever honey, but who’s to say that’ll happen? Anything is possible,” he replied. “Please come out. I miss you.” I was so confused. Were we gonna come to an end? I couldn’t imagine that. Ever. More tears stung my eyes at the thought of losing Max. I’d have to die before he did if anything happened, because I’d not cope with his loss. I looked around the bathroom. Razor blades, medicine, maybe I could drown myself? I wish I knew the future. If I knew we’d break up, I’d die now. After all, what’s each day together if it means nothing in the end? Max thumped on the door. “Emilee! Unlock the door! Please, I’m reading some disturbing things!”

“But you know I’m right,” I said in despair.

“No, you’re not! Each day together is everything! Listen, who cares about the future, okay? We’ll worry about it then, not now.” He sounded a little more on the brighter side. “Just please open the door...” I didn’t move. I couldn’t even think straight anymore. I just sat there, seemingly lifeless.

“Emilee?” Max said warily. “Emilee are you okay? I can’t hear you.” I didn’t reply. I wasn’t okay, although, that’s not what he meant. I was jerked forwards as Max crashed against the door. “Emilee! This isn’t funny, I’m not laughing!” He crashed against the door again. This time, he’d broken the hinges. Our house was fairly old. We needed to fix a few things. He rushed in and grabbed me, pulling me hastily to my feet. “Don’t you ever do that again!” he yelled at me. His face was streaked with many tears. “I love you so much! Don’t let me think you’re doing something utterly stupid over my actions!” I was in shock. He dragged me out of the bathroom and back into my room. His grip on my wrist was too tight for once. He placed me on my bed and started to pace across the room. He looked angry. This is all too much. Things looked sideways and I realised it was because I was no longer sitting up, I was on the floor. Max was crying and holding me tight, but I could neither hear nor feel him. Thinks were starting to go black, but I couldn’t recall ever closing my eyes. I tried to blink, but couldn’t seem to reopen them.