Killing Jar

"How's the song coming?" Brendon asked, walking into the room Ryan and I were in. We had just finished working on the song.

"It's great," I said.

"It's finished," Ryan said.

"Really?" Brendon said. "That's great."

"I know, right?" I said.

"So when do you want us to start working on it?" Brendon asked.

"We can start today if you feel like it," I said.

"Ok," he said. "Sounds like fun."

"Well, Ryan and I recorded a run through of the song so that you can listen to it first," I said. I handed Brendon the papers Ryan had used earlier. You can follow along with these."

I went over to the recording equipment and got the song ready for playback.

"Ready?" I asked.

"Yeah," Brendon said, looking at the papers intently. I started the playback.

"Do you remember when we didn't care
We were just two kids that took the moment when it was there
Do you remember you at all
Another heart calls

Yeah I remember when we stole the night
We'd lie awake but dreaming 'til the sun would wash the sky

Just as soon as I see you
But didn't I, but didn't I tell you
As deep as I need you,
You wanna leave it all

What can I do?
Say it's true
Or everything that matters breaks in two
Say it's true
I'll never ask for anyone but you

Talk to me
I'm throwing myself in front of you
This could be the last mistake
That I would ever wanna do
Yeah all I ever do is give it's time you see my point of view

Just as soon as I see you
But didn't I, but didn't I tell you
As deep as I need you,
You wanna leave it all

What can I do?
Say it's true
Or everything that matters breaks in two
Say it's true
I'll never ask for anyone but you
But I know what you want is to figure it out
And god knows I do too
What can I do?
Say it's true
I'll never ask for anyone but you

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
Na, na, na, na, na, na

I'm sorry
So what?
But you don't think I've said enough
I'm sorry
I don't care
You were never there

As soon as I see you
But didn't I, but didn't I tell you
As deep as I need you
You wanna leave it all

What can I do?
Say it's true
Or everything that matters breaks in two
Say it's true
I'll never ask for anyone but you
But I know what you want is to figure it out
And God knows I do too
What can I do?
Say it's true
I'll never ask for anyone but you
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh

I'll never ask for anyone but you
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh"

The song faded out. And that's when it hit me. I had kissed Ryan. I had wanted to kiss him. And I did. Why did I do that?

"That was.." I heard Brendon start to say. "Are you ok Ava?"

"I..I don't know," I heard myself say. I started toward the door, not knowing what I was going to do. "Excuse me."

I heard footsteps behind me.

"Hey," It was Brendon. He grabbed a hold of my arm to stop me. I didn't look at him. I couldn't look at him. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," I said.

"Look at me," Brendon said. I didn't move my head. I felt Brendon's fingers under my chin, pushing my head up and forcing me to look at him. My eyes met his and I could see clearly that he was worried. I'd have to act like nothing had happened between Ryan and me. I knew it would kill Brendon. Shit. Why did I kiss Ryan? I have to kill him. I'll only make it harder on myself.

I forced a small smile.

"It's nothing," I said again. "I just didn't feel well all of a sudden. I think I'm going to go home and rest."

I could tell Brendon was wrapping his mind around what I had said, deciding whether or not to believe me.

"Ok," he said finally. He leaned forward and kissed my forehead. "Go get some rest. I'll stop by your apartment later."