Killing Jar

All of the members of Panic were avoiding me now. I didn't blame them. I had made some bad choices. I hadn't seen Brendon since yesterday. I'm sure part of the reason the guys were mad at me was the fact that their singer was now mad at Ryan. I put my recording on pause. I wasn't in the mood to record. Besides, Ryan only had a few days left. Once that job was taken care of, I'd be moving on. Well, I'm not exactly sure what I want to do after this assignment. I don't think I wanted another one. Maybe stick around here for a little bit. I don't know. It'd probably be too hard for me.

At the moment, I was sitting in an empty room of the studio, my notebook closed and sitting on my lap. I wasn't sure what to do. I wasn't recording. I don't even know why I had come in. I looked down at my notebook. Brendon and I hadn't even been able to record my duet. Maybe I could use the one Ryan and I did. It wasn't bad.

I sighed and set my notebook on the table before running my hands through my hair. I was thinking taht maybe it would be best if I just went home today. I wasn't doing anything. I got up slowly before picking my notebook back up. I felt really tired and a nap would probably do me some good. I opened the door to go out into the hallway, but was stopped. Ryan was standing there.

"Ryan?" I said. His eyes widened slightly. I didn't say anything.

"Um, hey," he said quietly.

"What do you want?" I asked, my curiousity getting the best of me.

"I was kind of wondering why you told Brendon about us," Ryan said.

"Oh," I said quietly. "I--I just couldn't keep lying to him anymore. I was going to tell him eventually...but I just kind of slipped yesterday."

Ryan just understood.

"Ryan," I said.

"Yeah?" he asked.

"I want to appologize about the other day," I said. "I wish I could have ended it a little nicer."

"It's okay," he said. "I felt bad anyways about going behind Brendon's back."

"Can I ask why you were so mad?" I asked.

"I guess it was just because I wasn't getting a straight answer about why you were ending things," Ryan said. "And the fact that it was so unexpected."

"Yeah," I said. "Sorry."

"I probably won't ever get to know the true reason you ended things," Ryan said.

"Probably not," I said quietly. "I really wish I could tell you. But I can't."

"It's okay," he said. I nodded my head.

"Well, I was just heading back to my apartment," I said.

"Ok," he said. "I'll see you later."

"Yeah," I said. "Bye."