Love Me Patiently, Love Me Honestly

I started getting ready for bed right when I reached my room, feeling exhausted. I put on my pajamas, brushed my hair, brushed my teeth, removed my make up, and tried to do everything I could before I washed my face, because I didn’t want to wash John off of me. I finally did and then lay in bed.

I got a text before I could drift off to sleep. I opened my phone and saw it was from Kennedy, all it said was Hey.

I took a deep breath, calming the butterflies. I didn’t know what to say, so I followed his lead and with one word greeted him.

I got a text back almost instantly; I’m sorry.

I was confused. Why was he sorry? He shouldn’t be sorry, I should. Sorry for what though? Staying the night at John’s? Kissing John?

I wasn’t sorry for either of those things, I was only sorry Kennedy found out. I was sorry I made him feel this way, but I don’t regret what I did because I can’t deny I enjoyed it.

The thoughts racing through my head made me feel 10 times more guilty

Why? I sent back.

For blowing up at you. If you say nothing happened between you and John, I believe you.

My heart plunged with the guilt. I couldn’t lie to him, he didn’t deserve it.

We kissed. I wrote back.

What?

A lot.

Um..okay..

I could only picture him hurting. I’m so sorry Kennedy. You were right to be mad at me. I don’t know what I’m doing right now. I know I need to make up my mind. I understand if you don’t want to wait though.

Go outside.

I didn’t understand. Why?

Just do it.

I trusted Kennedy and walked downstairs and opened my front door.

I saw a bouquet of roses on the door step. My heart dropped. I’m the biggest jerk in the world, while Kennedy might be the sweetest boy I know.

I’ll wait for you, Maddie. I love you. Goodnight.

I stood shocked. Kennedy loves me. He loves me. The words I’ve been waiting to hear for so long have been said.

I thought back to when I told Kennedy I loved him, over a year ago. I wasn’t embarrassed any longer, I was happy.

I clutched the roses in my hand and leaned against the door way. I couldn’t help from smiling.

I would’ve fallen asleep smiling if it wasn’t for the text I got when I was almost sleeping.

Goodnight, baby.

***

I know most teenagers don’t want to go to school, but on this Monday morning I was excited. I was excited to see Kennedy.

I pulled into the school parking lot, beating Garrett and Pat there. I told my mom I needed to go in early and make up my Calculus test, but I was really just hoping Kennedy would be there.

I walked into Mr. Watt’s classroom and was disappointed. He wasn’t there. The teacher gave me my test and I sat in my desk in the back of the room and began working. I realized I really did need Kennedy here, because I was totally bombing this test.

About five minutes in, Kennedy entered.

My stomach jumped when he smiled, and my heart raced as he walked towards the back of the room.

“Ah, good, Mr. Brock, You’re here. I need to go to the staff meeting, hold down the fort. And make sure this one doesn’t cheat.” He pointed at me and then walked out of the room. Kennedy followed him to the door and shut it after him, then leaned against the desk next to me.

“Hi,” I said softly.

“I missed you.” He smiled.

“It’s only been a few days.” I laughed, standing up.

“It was long enough.” He leaned closer to me.

I was nervous. I felt wrong. I felt like I didn’t deserve Kennedy in my life, or John for that matter.

He kept leaning in. I had to stop him.

“Kennedy,” I started, as he rested his forehead against my own. “I don’t want to do this to you. I don’t want to hurt you.”

He stayed there. “You don’t want to hurt me with your decision, or you don’t want to hurt me because you haven’t made a decision yet?” he closed his eyes, almost wincing, waiting for my answer.

“I haven’t made one yet,” I said.

He opened his eyes and looked right in mine, with his forehead still touching my own. He smiled and held my chin in his hand. “So, this is okay then?”

I nodded. I was so mesmerized I forgot to breathe. His lips came closer to mine while he kept his eyes locked on my own. We kept leaning back, getting closer and closer to our lips touching, and at the same time leaning more against the desk.

The second I closed my eyes, ready to kiss this beautiful boy, the classroom door opened. Kennedy and I jerked upright and he turned away from me, scratching his neck. I was scared it was Mr. Watts, but when I saw who it was I wished it had been Mr. Watts.

“Well, hello.” John said awkwardly, walking in. “I hope I’m not interrupting.” He looked mad.

“Um, nope. You’re not. I was just doing a test but I’ll finish it later. What are you doing here?” I asked nicely.

John and Kennedy stared at each other. Finally John turned to me. “I need to talk to you.”

“Um, okay. Kenny, can you tell Mr. Watts I’ll be in later to finish? Thanks.” I said and handed him the test. He grabbed it from me and while he did he touched my thumb, sending shockwaves through my body.

“I’ll see you in 3rd period.” He said as we began to walk out.

I smiled and looked at John. He put his arm around me and looked back at Kennedy before we exited.

He stopped in the hallway and removed his arm. I looked at him, wanting to avoid the subject.

“What’s up?” I asked.

He had his hands on his hips and he wasn’t looking at me. He looked to either side, the ceiling and the floor before he met my eyes.

“I’m leaving.” He said, plainly.

“What?”

“I have to go to Colorado for 2 weeks. My grandma is really sick and she needs some help.” He sounded sad.

“Oh, John I’m so sorry.” I touched his arm.

He looked at me and drew in a breath. “Listen, I don’t know what I just walked in on there, but I really wish you’d figure it out. Maybe this 2 weeks will give you time to think.”

I hoped so too. “I’m going to miss you,” I said.

“More then you know, baby,” He held his arms out and I buried my face in his chest.

A few tears started to fall. “I’m sorry, John, I don’t want to hurt you.”

“I know baby.” He pulled away from me and cupped my face in his hand. “You could never hurt me so much that you’ll lose me, okay? You’re never going to lose me.” He hugged me again. When we separated we looked each other in the eye.

“I know you’re crying and everything, but I really want to kiss you right now.” He said as he wiped a tear away.

I smiled and kissed him first. It was innocent, soft, just lips. I realized the small kisses meant more to me, and I wanted a million from John.

He pulled away and smiled. “It’s only two weeks.”

“Right, just two weeks.” I smiled weakly.

“But you should be expecting a text in like five minutes because I already miss you.”

I laughed. “Sounds good to me.”

He hugged me again, and then walked away.

I felt stupid standing there, crying. I realized hurting John and hurting Kennedy made me feel different things. When I felt like I hurt Kennedy, I was furious at myself. And when I hurt John, I was unbearably sad.

I didn’t know if that meant something, and I didn’t know if I should know.

I hung my head in the middle of the hallway as the warning bell rang and the hallway got busy.

I walked into my first period and went straight towards Pat and Garrett.

I shouted, “I AM SUCH A WHORE!”