Love Me Patiently, Love Me Honestly

I cried for hours, and Garrett didn’t say a thing. He just cradled me and let me ruin his t-shirt.

I must’ve drained myself of all the tears and fallen asleep at Garrett’s house because when I woke up I was in my own bed.

I heard my German shepherd barking downstairs and the front door open before I became fully aware of where I was. I attempted to lift my head but gave up when my eyes met the too bright light shining through my window.

I couldn’t have drunken this much last night, could I? My question was answered when my stomach lurched and I ran to the bathroom, keeling over the toilet.

When I was done I flushed the toilet and brushed my teeth. I looked at myself in the mirror; my hair was a mess, tangled all over the place. I was in a white tank top and pink pajama shorts. I didn’t know how I got into them, and I wasn’t going to ask. I washed my face and barely combed through my hair before I gave up.

I opened the door and slowly walked down the stairs, knowing my parents would already know of my night. I seem to remember calling them around my sixth shot.

Before I reached the bottom of the stair case I heard my mom say quietly, “She sure has your eyes, Kennedy, but she looks like my Carly.”

My heart plunged as all the pain became real. Before I could run back to my room he spotted me.

My parents followed his gaze, but I kept my eyes locked on Emma, the little girl in my mom’s arms, my niece.

“Oh, Maddie, good you’re awake,” My dad said.

I looked at him, then my mom, then Kennedy. Each one had the same look of pity sketched don’t heir faces, but each was also tinted of something else.

My dad had the same amount of sorrow in his eyes as he did pity. My mom was not even hiding her excitement, her pure joy that she was holding a reincarnation of her wonderful Carly.

And Kennedy was scared, more so then I was.

I walked past them all and into the kitchen. I poured a cup of coffee and held the mug in both hands, letting it warm them. I walked back to the living room and right past the three still looking at me.

“Maddie, please come here.” My mom ordered.

I stopped on the stairs and turned to face her. I was annoyed and I didn’t want to look at her.

“Emma is going to be around here more now, because we don’t need to hide it anymore.” She said, glancing at me but keeping her attention on Emma.

My mouth formed into a straight line and I let my eyes narrow. “Okay?”

“So just letting you know,” She said cheerfully as she and my dad walked to the kitchen, holding Emma.

I didn’t look at Kennedy as I turned to walk up the stairs, but he grabbed my arm before I got very far.

“Maddie, we need to talk,” He said.

“I think you’ve said, and done, enough.” I said angrily.

“Maddie, please,” He tried to hold my hand and I instinctively threw my cup of coffee all over his shirt.

He backed away slowly, letting the coffee drip off his arms. It wasn’t burning hot and I only wished it was.

We stared at each other once more before I ran out of the front door.

I let the sunlight pierce my eyes and I continued to walk down the street. I didn’t have any idea where I was going, but I needed to get away. I needed to get away from myself. I didn’t know the girl that got satisfaction on pouring drinks on people and getting drunk to wash away the pain.

But then again, how was I supposed to know myself when I didn’t even know the ones I loved and trusted the most?

I walked barefoot down the sidewalk for what felt like miles before I reached a soccer field. There was a tournament going on, and I sat and watched the little kids play.

I tried not to think about it, but it was impossible. I replayed every touch, every hug, every kiss I’d had with Kennedy, all lies. Every conversation was a sham, and he did it effortlessly.

How could Pat and Jared and Garrett know and not tell me? Especially Garrett. He could’ve told me I was making the wrong choice, he knew, but he said nothing.

I couldn’t even think about John, because that hurt the most.

“I thought you’d be here.” I heard him say behind me.

I knew it’d only be a matter of time before he found me. “Go away, John.”

“This is a public event, I don’t have to leave.” He sat down next to me.

“Well then I will,” I said and got up. Before I could walk away he grabbed my wrist.

“Please stay,” he said. “Yell at me, punch me, cry to me, whatever, I don’t care, just please stay.” He begged earnestly.

I still didn’t look in his eyes but I sat back down. “How could you?” I asked.

“You have no idea how hard it was, not to tell you. But if I would’ve known Kennedy was going to…do that first, I would’ve told you in a heartbeat.”

“I’m so humiliated, John.”

“I know, baby,” He lightly rubbed my back.

“No, you don’t John.” I squirmed away. “And don’t call me baby.” I stood up.

“Why are you being so callous?” He asked, “So mean? I’m trying to be here for you, Madds.”

“It’s kind of what happens when you get your heart broken, John.”

“But Maddie,” He started but I interrupted him.

“I blame you, for all of this. The pain I feel is your fault.” I spat.

“How?”

“You should have told me. You were the one person that owed it to me more so than anyone else. If you would have told me I wouldn’t be hurt, not like this.” I told him.

“Maddie, you’re not listening to a word I’m saying!” He stood up now too. “We could not tell you. We made a promise.”

“Some promises you shouldn’t keep John, especially if it will hurt the girl you love!” I told him.

“Don’t you dare pull that on me, Maddie. If you want to tell me what I owe you, then you’re sadly mistaken because honestly, I don’t owe you a thing,” He said, angry now.

“Excuse me?” I asked.

“You strung me a long like a lost puppy, and I went a long with it, because I love you Maddie, more than anyone in this world does. You had to know deep down he would break your heart again,” he said.

I stood motionless. My eyes were narrowed and John was clenching his fists. I had never fought with him like this, but I didn’t feel as badly as I should.

“Maybe I did make the wrong choice,” I finally said. “But you broke my heart too, John O’Callaghan.”

“Right back at you.” He said before he stormed off.

I followed him with my eyes as he got in his car, slammed the door shut, and stormed off. He was angry, and he didn’t even look back.

It only fueled my hostility toward everyone. I walked home seeing red, I ignored my parents in the living room feeding Emma, and I jumped in the shower immediately. I tried to wash away every aspect of my horrible night, but no matter how hard I scrubbed the marks were still there.

I lay around the house all day. I didn’t help my parents as they finally started cleaning out Carly’s room to make a nursery for Emma.

I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t cry. I was so angry, so unrecognizably furious. I had never felt this way before, and I couldn’t decide if I was content with it yet.

Garrett tried calling me all day. I wasn’t even angry at him. I knew it wasn’t fair, but I could never stay mad at Garrett, and right now he was my only friend. But I couldn’t bring myself to answer his calls, because I was too afraid.

I was officially in denial.

I looked at the clock; it was 11:33 p.m. I had stared at my ceiling for hours, thinking about who I was angrier at.

Carly was my sister, I had told her everything, and she had respected me and wished me luck, all the while stabbing me in the back. She got every boy she ever desired, and finally the one I want, she picks him. We were supposed to be sisters; we were supposed to be best friends.

John had been the guy I always knew he was. He kept his promise to Kennedy, because he was a good friend. The practical side of me told me I shouldn’t be angry, that I should understand. But the angry part, the superior feeling at the moment, told me that he was to blame.

Kennedy had lied. He was a liar and I had fallen for every word. It was my own fault.

I had so many questions. I couldn’t ask John, he was too angry at me, so before I could even think I found my feet dragging me to my car and I was driving towards Kennedy’s house.

I pounded on his door, only feeling slightly awful that I would wake his parents. Luckily he opened the door.

“Maddie?” He wiped the sleep from his eyes, “What are you doing here?”

“Explain it to me.” I had my arms wrapped around my body.

“What?” He asked.

“Tell me. Tell me everything. Please.”